HELPING OTHERS DO THEIR JOB?

Helping others has always been a trend.

We are remembered if we help others and you want to be remembered don’t you?

Remembered for more than your stunning good looks and colorful repartee?

Be helpful. But not too helpful. There is a standard, after all.

During my time as a family caregiver the standard of help was doing everything. Every. Thing.

And doing it better than anyone could possibly do.

No crusty old father in-law under my care was succumbing to the common cause of death from Parkinson’s Disease, which was choking on food, or falling.

I watched that old bird like a hawk.

As a result I’m prone to a condition I call ‘Over-Dave’ or OD.

It turns out most people don’t like, or enjoy, that amount of focused attention on them.

Since dementia runs with Parkinson’s, the old man didn’t notice.

Others have, and now I feel like I’m being aloof or ignoring others, not helping.

 

Definition Of ‘Helping’

While I’ve never been called a ‘people pleaser’ I’ve had my moments.

After we got married my wife and I started a family.

After two kids we stopped starting a bigger family.

If either of them had been a problem we might have rolled the dice one, more, time?

Noooo

I tapped out after two home births.

My dad was in the delivery room for his fourth child.

It was his first time at the show.

He told me if he’d been in there for the first kid they would have been an only child.

I was the second born.

 

Due the vast experience I gained by marrying at thirty-one in the real world where you meet people based on happenstance and coincidence instead of the familiar world of high school or college I saw plenty of failed relationships.

With that in mind I crossed ‘failed relationship’ off of my To Do list.

I started by learning who has staying power and who doesn’t.

Who has staying power? We all have staying power, but we don’t all use it the same way.

All veterans of long marriages have been in the car with their loved one and thought back to their single days: “If I had to listen to this crap in the beginning I would have dropped her off at her parents.”

The conversations eventually get better and the ‘dropping off’ line becomes a good joke, like the line with the kids about, “Don’t make me stop this car and cut a switch.”

Does this mean my wife and kids depend on me? Surrrrre they do. I know I depend on them.

I depend on them to treat their wives and kids right, to maintain their shit, and get together with the people they care about.

I want them to represent their families in a way that doesn’t bring up the question, “Who raised you to be like this?” when they screw up.

 

Helping Others Do Their Work

Once you’ve got your name on one of these you are set, certified, and ready to tell others what to do in a way that makes them enthusiastic about doing it.

I’ve worked my way through several customer service encounters leaning on the lessons of the 21 hour Army Leader Preparation Program.

It starts by defining the problem, then the array of solutions.

With proper preparation to prevent a piss poor performance, the key is staying calm and reasonable.

 

Me: My name is David and I’m calling about the money you are holding for me.

Customer Service: I’m sure we can solve this problem.

Me: Your confidence is inspiring. I hope at the end of our conversation you can close the book on this case and write a check. Do you have check writing approval.

CS: My department manager has that authority.

Me: Maybe you should transfer me to them so I don’t have to repeat everything.

CS: I will handle your case.

Me: Excuse me if I misunderstand, but if you were good at your job you’d have check writing powers.

CS: Pardon me?

Me: Here’s what’s going to happen. I’ll pull all of the information I’ve got together, you’ll pretend to listen, then we’ll loose connection when you transfer me to your boss. And I don’t blame you for following your training, but it seems like you’re there to placate customers instead of serve them. You’d probably get a promotion if you transfer me now. You’d be doing your job better. I’ll wait on hold.

CS: I’m certain we can solve this.

Me: I’m trying to help you. Bosses like people with some initiative, some insights, and I’ve been calling for months and listening to the same line from different people. But you seem different. You sound like you could do your job if you wanted to.

CS: I am doing my job.

Me: That’s great. So you’re transferring me the check writing desk. Good work. I’ll put in a recommendation for you and your patience.

CS: I need to take your information first.

 

PS:

Use the system to work with the system.

 

PSS:

Once you step outside the boundaries of the system to find a solution within the system, you may sound like a raving kook.

It’s normal. Unless you are a raving kook.