WARNING SIGNS TO WOMEN LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

Warning signs for women come in all shapes and sizes from stop signs to rip tide signs to the groovy ‘What’s your sign’ guy.

Some of the signs are lifestyle related, like the above picture.

Would you guess this is how women interpret how guys would live without them, or some guy’s dream house.

Either way it looks pretty good, right?

It’s either some guy biding his time until the right lady says, “Why don’t we move in together,” or a guy living in his momma’s garage.

Again, either way is fine.

Besides, who am I to judge?

I’m the guy living in the cheapest apartments available with all the grit left out of my middle-class upbringing.

And they were the only places available for a non-upwardly mobile, low wage, fly on the wall of life.

Things worked out in the usual ways.

My dive in Philadelphia included spending time at the Philadelphia Athletic Club, the Marion Cricket Club, and the Philadelphia Museum of Art on free Sundays, among other name dropping destinations.

Two years of University of Oregon English classes later, my Brooklyn dive included parties at the Wall Street Club in lower Manhattan, Broadway shows, and walks on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade.

The last dive of my life was the best, a Portland studio apartment, which is what they call a no-bedroom apartment in the biz, on 21st and Lovejoy.

It had a bed and a bike.

The guy in the top picture is a rookie.

My Mom came to visit for a minute and said, “What kind of woman do you expect to attract without a car. You ride a bike.”

That’s my M0m, practical. And she wanted to know who I was luring in with my so-called lifestyle?

Me: You want to know my kind of girl, Ma? Biker chicks.

 

It all ended when I met a new girl to walk around with.

We got to the all-important Third Date. I remember it all so well.

She bought a bike on our third date and that was it.

 

Other Red Flags

 

We went guitar shopping and never stopped.

In no time we had kids and guitars, then kids with guitars.

I met a guy who said he had 74 guitars.

Me: Are you married?

Him: No.

 

Warning Signs In Vinyl

When a guy invites a woman into this living room, what’s her first move when he sits in the chair?

A ‘keeper’ pulls out the ladder for a seat on top and says, “So you like records. I like records”

Guys with big collections of anything are a red flag, especially if they are educated and still in touch with family who doesn’t interfere with their oddities, who may even more unusual than them.

That’s a dangerous combo.

All the love in the world isn’t changing a thing, so a potential wife entering into any kind of a marriage should take heed: they live in a different world with stuff like this.

Add Record Guy and Guitar Guy together and you end up with a nostalgic, slightly bitter man, who wishes he could play like they did in the old days.

As the relationship unfolds and he loses more alone-time, when he does find a moment to address his mental fitness he breaks out his rig to play what’s in his feel-sorry-for-yourself heart.

He looks at his pedal rack to see his Waa-Waa-Waa pedal, his Cry Baby pedal, and his Chorus pedal.

 

When do guitar pedals turn into warning signs?

Look hard and you’ll know it’s time.

Time for what?

I think you know.