MENS SHAPEWEAR AND GIRDLES? WHICH MEN?

The notions of mens shapewear came to me over the AM airwaves.

If I’m in the car between 3 PM and 7, I’m listening to 1080 The Fan.

Yesterday the talk was about fluffy men tightening up.

Did they go on and on about diet and exercise mixed in with more diet and exercise?

No. That’s the hard way. They talked about the other way:

Man girdles.

Man girdles?

My google search was revealing.

Row after row of reasonable fit guys modeled their mens shapewear.

They looked like guys who had trouble with the last ten pounds of their weight loss journey and said ‘screw it, where’s my girdle.’

 

Why The Man Girdle

Most guys want to look their best when they go out.

You know, command the room, be a presence.

I’m not sure about the padding in this picture but it’s probably there to add to the aura.

The hooks down the middle leave room for improvement.

If you can breathe comfortable, it might be too loose.

The hooks look like the sort of thing women with big bra straps have to figure out on their backs.

Luckily they’re in the front of mens shapewear.

If guys wear their gear for fashion, it has be about getting into their Aspirational Sized pants.

Those are the pants you don’t throw away when you chow past them, because ‘you never know.’

With the right mans shapewear it’s not a question.

You can tighten up enough to fit into anything.

That layer of softness the hides abs of steel? Gone.

The jiggle from too many beers over too long? Gone.

Instead, you show the world your commitment, your dedication, your drive to stay on task.

 

Who Will Never Wear Mens Shapewear

This guy says it loud an clear:

I could be in shape if I wanted to. And I will be once I meet the right girl.

Until then, cheers.

 

This guy says, ‘I’ve made it this far and got everything I ever wanted. I’ll just keep going’

He’s met the right girl and they’re in love. Why change that up?

And he’s still got good hair for his girl to run her fingers through.

 

These three guys know who they are, and as long as they keep moving, they are fine with it.

 

Man 1: Would you ever wear mans shapewear.

Man 2: What is that?

Man 1: A girdle.

Man 2: How could a girdle help?

Man 1: Meet someone special?

Man 2: Then we take a swim and she sees what I really look like. No thanks.

Man 1: Does it bother you when women wear all the stuff, the wigs, the heels, the lifts, the extra pump?

Man 2: Like a celebrity? No. That’s their job, looking like they do. Not my job.

Man 1: You’ve never been disappointed in your appearance?

Man 2: Never thought about it.

 

Thinking About It Just A Little

The big question is what would the ladies do if their hot new guy unzips, unhooks, and wiggles out of their mens shapewear?

Would they be repulsed, or would they appreciate the effort, the same effort they make to look good?

I’ve known guys from sports, the Army, and the adult gym, and never seen this rig.

Weight belts? Yes. The wraparound support beer truck guys use? Yes.

But never something designed to compress fat.

Would I wear one? I might try it on to see how it feels, but no, never buy one.

Why? Because I’m a normal person who knows how to hide a gut.

Wear a thin shirt tucked in, and a thin vest.

I’ve done it for years.

The only time I got busted, besides my wife taking notice, was trying on clothes after Christmas.

You know how it goes. Someone gives you a shirt and the chant starts: “Fashion show, fashion show.”

The chant turned to gasps of, “Where did that come from” when I took my shirt and vest off.

So, take it from me, either let that gut swing free, or thin shirt and vest.

One is the truth, one is the mystery, and the mens shapewear?

What do you call that?