RETIREMENT GYM GUY IN EVERYONES FUTURE

Meet retirement gym guy, the man who’s been everywhere, done everything, driven every kind of car made, and needs you to know all about it.

They know what you should do, when you should do it, and where.

With emergency warning levels, you’ll learn about their most recent illness, surgery, and recovery.

It could be going better, they say, but it is what it is.

If you do this, you’ll end up like them, they say.

If you don’t do that, you’ll regret it.

What are you supposed to do?

Yesterday I took a load of stuff to good will after clearing out a cabinet.

The door hadn’t been opened in years, so whatever was in there was an automatic GO?

Not so fast.

“I want to go through it first,” said my wife.

With everything unbagged and rebagged, off we went to Goodwill.

“I don’t want to go to Goodwill,” she said.

Fine, the last time I was there to unload I got bossed around for speeding up the process.

I backed up to the unloading dock of another donation center to learn that they weren’t accepting any linens, sheets, or other bedding stuff.

We hit it off when I said I didn’t have any.

Things soured when I narrated my stuff with,”This is a beautiful dish rack, a piece of art.”

“This is a state of the art CD player from 2006.”

It didn’t take long before he left and another person supervised.

Who has heard this kind of inane chatter at the gym?

I know who will once I decide to add it back to my regular schedule.

PS:

The best you can hope for is not hearing all about it in the locker room from some naked old guy.

PSS:

Once you realize you’re listening to what amounts to a pre-recorded message, politely excuse yourself and continue what you were doing.

Old timers in the gym come in three categories:

1. They need to get out of the house and have free membership to the gym through their health insurance.

2. They miss having a reason to get out of bed.

3. They are there to workout like everyone else, so quit lounging on the bench and give them some room.