PORTLAND FREEZE WORSE THAN SEATTLE?

The Portland Freeze that didn’t happen came when I moved to NW Portland.

My apartment building was a busy place to live for students and professionals.

The pretty lady who sold text books always looked like she just stepped out of Vogue.

She was in a class of her own. And chilly. Hey Patricia.

But she had hot friends, not that I was looking too hard.

One Portland heater lived in a corner apartment.

She came in one night the same time I did. One of us had been out on the town.

I was getting home from work.

She invited me to her apartment in a friendly way, then got more friendly.

I followed my Portland freeze rules and tucked her in to bed and left.

What happened the next day?

She thanked me for not spending the night.

I said, “You’re welcome.”

For the next few months she came to my apartment with a bag of clothes she planned on wearing on a date and did a fashion show.

She was very fashionable and liked changing clothes like a model, just dropping this and getting into that.

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Eventually we talked about our chances of doing more together.

Her: We ought to go out together. Or stay in. Together. Can you tell I’m not wearing a bra with this sweater?

Me: If we go out, or stay in, we still live in the same building. It would be like living together and breaking up. One of would have to move. Your sweater looks good either way.

Her: (changing sweaters) Is this one too tight?

Me: It doesn’t match your pants.

Her: (changing pants) How about now.

Me: Your undies show through. Is this a first date you’re going on? You want him thinking about your undies on a first date?

Her: (changing underwear) Is this better?

Me: Couldn’t be any better.

Her: So why not us? I could cancel.

Me: I’m not doing anything to ruin our fashion shows. No one will ever believe you were naked in my apartment and nothing happened.

Her: I can’t believe it.

Me: Now we both have someone we didn’t jump in with at the first chance. Let’s remember this. Maybe I’ll write about it one day.

Her: Just make me look good.

Me: Oh, I will.

A New Town With Possibilities

If you’re looking for love you’ll never find it. But, you’ll find something close.

Close enough? That’s the question.

Things happened when you’re not looking for love, but it finds you.

Real things like commitment and understanding and trust.

Who wants commitment and understanding and trust?

Everyone, but it’s a high standard to reach.

With some people it comes with more questions, like, ‘Is this all there is?’

It’s not a question to ask out loud, especially if you’re the one asking and you come up short.

When things work out between two people, ‘all there is’ is more than enough.

When things don’t work out, it’s too much.

They need too much attention, too much time, too much of everything you don’t have enough of for yourself.

Or maybe you need too much?

Either way, you either talk it through, or take a walk.

Feeling The Portland Freeze

Dating in my twenties came with meeting parents, lots of parents.

Maybe it was just me, but getting introduced to my date’s parents was always awkward.

The dad’s sized me up, the mom’s turned on the frost.

It was even colder with divorced moms.

Maybe I was a bad reminder to them of the scalawag they dumped, or got dumped by?

One afternoon my date and I dropped her mom off on the way downtown from the West Hills.

I was in the passenger seat, momma in back.

Momma: David, I must tell you our family has no money.

Date: Mom.

Mom: It’s fair he should know since you drive a Mercedes and we live in a mansion.

Date: Mom.

I reached over and tapped her leg, smiled, and turned round.

Me: I understand, Mrs. Johnson. I can loan you twenty until next Tuesday without interest. After that the vig kicks in and I don’t want to come looking for you.

Everyone had a good laugh, two of us more than the other one.

Mrs. Johnson pulled her coat around her neck.

Date: It’s a joke, mom.

Mom: We should have sent you to a better school to meet better dates.

I tapped my date’s leg again.

Me: I’ll make sure she gets in early, Mrs. Johnson, so go ahead and make some phone calls.

Date: Tell Mrs. Smith I’ll meet Johnny tomorrow after I finish slutting around town.

Mom: Is that one of your unfunny jokes, too?

The Portland Freeze dropped a few degrees that day.

Was it funny?