NEW YEARS EARLY PREPPER FOR 2024

With New Years Eve pulling up on the calendar, why not a new you in the new year?

But I had a good year, you say.

Don’t you want an even better year?

Of course you do. So ? ? ?

Why not be the person you know you are, the person you could be, the New You.

You will stop topping off your coffee with canned whipped cream.

Stop overeating after your third helping.

And drink more water, do more exercise, read more books, yada, yada, yada.

It all starts with a plan, which you need to change to:

Take a shot of whipped cream in your mouth, not coffee cup. It has to be less, and that’s a plus.

Use a bigger plate and load up the same amount of food. One helping is enough.

For now.

 

2024 New Years

This is the Sean Connery To Do List?

It was a big part on SNL Jeopardy.

But let’s leave your Mom out of it, unless it’s to make a promise she’d like to hear in 2024.

So where does that leave you?

Hold on. No one gets off that easy.

Adults make plans, make a list of plans, with lists for each plan.

That’s what adults do it. How do I know? I asked your mom.

 

She thought about the right answer all day.

The next day, too. Okay, everyday.

What does anyone do when the right answer is the only answer and you can’t sleep until you find it?

Not the most expedient answer.

Not the most reasonable answer.

The right answer is the only answer, and it’s just on this side of consciousness.

Whoa, Nellie.

That’s not the way to hit 2024.

You want to be wide awake, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed.

Why not make a list that leans that way? At least for a day?

 

The Past Is So Last Year, And More

 

If you haven’t heard it enough:

LET IT GO.

Dear Baby Boomer, let it go for fuck’s sake.

You had your run. Everyone knows, by now.

It was a time of the best music, the best cars, the best chicks, the best friends, and all you had to do was smoke a pound of Iowa ditch weed until you turned blue to make it all come true.

Now that the early Boomers are tailing off, we’re getting the dregs of them popping off about whatever’s on their mind.

 

One of them decided they had medical expertise to share during the pandemic.

People were so panicked they took it.

One of them decided they had meteorological expertise; they guided a hurricane where they wanted it to go.

One of them decided they wanted to keep their old job by planning to show up after their last day.

Am I talking about Seinfeld’s George? No.

 

Try And Not Lose Any Sleep Over It

I saw this list and agree 1000%.

Sleep and health go hand in hand.

Based on my observations at the Safeway pharmacy where people have to give their date of birth, not getting the right kind of sleep is obvious.

A man gave his birth year as 1972.

That makes him what, fifty-one?

Except he looked closer to eighty-one with the life worn right off his bones.

He was ragged, his clothes ragged, and his jacket-back read, ‘Re-Hab For Life.’

Probably a meth-guy who got clean?

But you don’t just wash off the Face of Meth, from what I’ve heard.

Take a look in the mirror and imagine your face if you cared more about yourself.

Don’t look too long or you might ruin New Years Eve.

So why not make plans, make a list.

You are the boss of you, the captain of your ship.

You’ll cut back on the booze in 2024? If there’s a question, you should.

Those _ _ pounds you gained in the last few months will be gone in 2024.

That’s what the boss says; that’s what the captain ordered.

You salute smartly to those good suggestions and solid advice and quietly say, “Fuck that. Another round of drinks and snacks for the house.”

The boss says, “But we’re the only ones in the house.”

You say, “That’s why we’re the boss of me, so fuck off and get some ice.”

So you follow your orders and get the ice.

 

With that attitude, how will 2024 look?

You may need an intervention, I may need an intervention.

It’s like marriage counseling, but conducted by amateurs.

Without the clinical training to spot the ‘tells’ in someone’s story, it’s all about The Love.

Go ahead and show yourself some of the love you give others.

Do it. That way you can give them more, and they need it.

So do you.

New Years, new you, but think of it as:

NEW YOU

Go big, or go home.

You’re home already? Don’t overthink it.