NOT LOST, BUT STILL A HISTORY OF LOSING

You are not lost if you still have enough gas in the tank and sunlight in the sky to keep going.

But, not everyone agrees.

I chalk it up to those who’ve experienced enough losing to know the symptoms.

They’ve seen losers, been losers, and know what they’re talking about when they call you a loser.

It’s up to you to agree. Don’t do that.

If this has every happened to you, and Im sure it has: Some clueless fuck decides you need to know what they think about this world, your place in it, and why you’d better listen.

Stop for a minute and ask yourself where this could ever happen?

You’re on the verge of making a life-changing decision that will affect you and everyone you know.

You’re reacting to a life-moment you never expected.

Or you believe in people who don’t believe in you or anything about you, and you need to wake the fuck up. Like now.

Here’s how you’ll know you’re not lost, not the lost boy.

 

We make life-changing decisions every day, from what we eat and drink, what we wear, and who we associate with.

Who hasn’t been challenged to make a decision when a friend of years and years sends a text with, “I’ve chosen to opt-out of our friendship.”

Sounds friendly enough. Not “fuck you, loser.”

 Not, “shove off asshole.”

It’s a friendly ‘opt-out’ on their side, a panic on yours.

What did you do; what did you say?

You need to know what happened, but if you’re married it’s never that easy.

If your opt-out friend spent time with you and your husband? What did he do; what did he say?

The worst solution: the couple gets into what’s what and they learn they’re married to a lowdown, lying, backstabbing, SOB.

What else could it be when they give half-answers, twisted truths, and insist they did nothing wrong. But you know better.

The best solution: Text back with, “Let me know when you opt back in.”

Their history of losing is not yours.

 

A Losing History Of Losing

Your ‘Once in a lifetime’ moment is just that, once in a lifetime. Your lifetime, not everyone else.

Go ahead and explain the beauty and wonder of that moment to someone and stand in the bliss until they say, “Uh huh, I did that three times last week.”

Did you pat yourself on the back, give yourself an ‘attaboy’, when you plotted a path that included plastic recycling to New Seasons, Amazon returns to Whole Foods, guitar stands at Guitar Center, a Costco run, bottle return, and a Safeway stop before pulling into the driveway you left three hours earlier?

Go head, then. We’ll wait. Who’s a good boy.

At Costco:

Me: Is that a tomahawk steak?

Butcher: Yes, it is, and at this price it’s the best deal in the house. They’ll be gone in two days. Not gonna last.

Me: Give me one more pitch and I’ll hop off the fence and buy one.

Butcher: Look at that marbling, would you?

Me: Which one do you recommend?

 

At Safeway in the cookie aisle:

 

Me: Man, I can’t decide which cookie is the best? The bag I’ll eat fast, or the bag that will last.

Clerk: I ask myself the same question.

Me: Yes?

Clerk: And I always say, ‘why not both?’

Me: Why not both?

Clerk: Why not?

Me: My gut says no. 

Clerk: With two you’ll confuse your gut and skip them both.

Me: For ice cream?

Clerk: I’m the cookie guy. I don’t know about ice cream.

 

Late last night I stood in front of a cabinet with two kinds of cookies on the shelf and ice cream just around the corner.

I skipped the whole thing for yogurt and blue berries, a small life moment I didn’t expect.

But a big step in personal history.

 

The Response That Calls For Help

Have you ever been invited someplace? Sure you have.

‘Please grace us with your presence and save this date.”

The correct response is either yes, or no.

Or ignore the whole thing like a normal person.

“This isn’t something I’m interested in?”

Naw, that’s not a choice, not even close. That’s not in any manners book.

I blame social media for such a response when a Facebook post ask, “Are you interested in more posts like this?”

On social you just scroll past, but in real life you want someone to know, “that’s not something I’m interested in?”

You’d be better off taking a dump and  kicking someone in the junk to fall in it? N00000.

Don’t do that.

 

 

PS:

A yes or no question requires a yes or no answer. This isn’t compare and contrast, or make a fanciful excuse. Just yes.

Or no.

 

PSS:

If you have interests, good. People need interests.

Can you save a date and show up without the mood, the twitch, the attention?

I got invited someplace and showed up two days early to help out.

It’s a rare occurrence. Not something you would ever expect.

If you’re interested, say yes and show up.

That’s all the interest an invitation asks for.

The rest is gravy when you hear, “How can I help?”

Were you raised by someone who knew enough smooth social graces to get by?