BEST BUY TACTICAL COMMANDO

I made a birthday run to Best Buy for my wife’s birthday.

Married people do this all the time. Maybe just husbands?

The difference was, my trip was on the birthday, which some people call irresponsible, tactless, whatever.

But I knew what I wanted and where to get it. And I knew the timeline.

How was I so well informed? My wife told me.

What I didn’t expect to see in Beaverton Best Buy was a greeter in a full tactical commando rig.

You’ve seen greeters in other locations like Home Depot, Lowe’s, Walmart?

Have any of them looked like they just came from the range?

Most of the time they look like who they are, old guys with a friendly manner.

My Best Buy guy looked to be in his thirties, fit, with a current short haircut.

Could have been a policeman moonlighting as security? An ICE agent on his day off?

To me he stood at the front door as a symbol of ‘Fuck Around And Find Out.’

No one is shoplifting on his watch. Don’t even think about it.

 

Armed And Dangerous

The man looked the part of armed and dangerous.

I expected nothing more than to walk in, get the gift, pay, and leave.

But an armed guard caught my attention.

Was he like the guys in England who stand guard with no communication to anyone, some on horseback?

Was he part of the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment, a Royal Horse Guard?

Nooooo.

 

But he could have been with his stoic nature.

Where the Royal Guard gives a stern “GET BACK” to people who crowd too close to the horse for pictures, my Best Buy guy was friendly and engaging.

Instead of symbolic warning he was helpful.

He asked if I was looking for something in particular.

I said yes and expected him to point me to a store clerk.

Instead he named the aisle and shelf where I’d find my wife’s birthday present.

With the communication door open I stopped to chat.

 

Me: Are your carrying a 17?

Guy: It’s a 19.

Me: Have you done any mods on the grip?

Guy: The original was too small so I put on bigger.

Me: Do you know why it’s a 19?

Guy: No.

Me: Because most people who buy them have to shoot 18 times before hitting the target.

 

He gave me the sort of smile that said that wasn’t him.

I gave a smile back that said I’m glad to know.

Very professional, good eye contact, and I was on my way.

Since we’d become best friends I had a few more questions after checkout, but he was gone, replaced by the usual Geek Squad guy.

 

Geek Guy Or Gun Guy

The big question I had, one I wasn’t going to ask, was what the hell happened that an armed guard was on duty.

Was my guy properly trained to recognize when the use of deadly force was necessary?

He had the right demeanor, and gear, for the job, so I didn’t feel any kind of threat.

But for Best Buy? What could a thief expect to get away with?

No one is lifting a TV during operating hours. Too big.

What’s the most expensive thing you’d give your life to steal?

 

From Google AI:

 

The highest-value items typically available through Best Buy are the KEF MUON 10″ Passive 4-Way Floor Loudspeakers (Pair), which retail for $224,999.98. 

Best Buy also lists ultra-premium, high-end TVs at comparable luxury price points:

 

Who’s going to stand up at the memorial for someone shot dead for making a run for speakers?

This isn’t some Ocean 11, 12, or 13 heist. No diamonds or gold.

Speakers.

You’re going to die for better sound?

 

PS:

If the job of armed guard is to protect the inventory, who is ready to kill someone for speaker theft?

 

PSS: 

“Today we mourn the loss of Ralph Johnson who lived to hear the best sound in the world.”

No one wants that epitaph on their urn.

If you want to hear the best sound in the world, learn to play guitar and practice.

What you’ll hear is improvement, more improvement, until you sound like the best you’ve ever heard.

Go ahead and get started on that.

Stairway To Heaven starts in a one, and a two, and a three.