FINISHING SCHOOL FOR THE UNFINISHED

If you’ve never heard of it, a finishing school is where women become ladies.

Ladies? What kind of ladies?

Ladies who grew up expecting others to know what they’d learned in finishing school.

To that we say, “Good luck.”

The women, many of whom had attended M.B.A. programs, were there not to learn how to make money but to acquire the gestures of having inherited it. The pursuit of such a goal might strike us as anachronistic, but the archetype of woman as family ambassador is as relevant as ever.

 

‘Old money’ does things different than new money, and no money?

 

Their appearance—blow-dried hair, dry-clean-only dresses—suggested an abundance of wealth and time, both of which are de-facto prerequisites of admission at the Institut Villa Pierrefeu, where the summer course lasts six weeks and costs an average of thirty thousand dollars.

 

Six weeks of school for $30K? And you never hear a thing about student loans from finishing school.

It wouldn’t be proper, after all.

What you do hear about is the vision of womanhood the head mistress seeks to achieve.

 

“Ah!” she cried, as we made our way into the sitting room, which was outfitted with gilded mirrors and Oriental carpets. “I told the girls not to put them this way!” She approached a celadon sofa and rearranged a series of neatly aligned pillows into a more spontaneous configuration. “We’re not in the army, after all.”

She added, “It’s better to learn from us than from your mother-in-law.”

From a student:

“Etiquette is not something you learn for yourself,” she continued. “It’s something you do for others, and I think that’s beautiful.”

 

Finishing School Goals

Call it educational.

I call it educational because that’s what it is and what it does, educate.

But to what end?

Have you been in groups where one woman seems to elevate the moment? Where she makes everyone feel included and welcome?

Then the evening ends and you go home wondering where she learned that stuff.

 

Soft skills such as communication, teamwork, creativity, adaptability, problem-solving, work ethic, critical thinking and conflict management can be developed and honed over time. While it is important for individuals to continue to build their technical expertise, developing soft skills can ultimately set you apart in the workplace and lead to long-term success.

 

They had to have gone to finishing school, or their mom did.

You learn more about people when you push back on their topics of conversation.

Instead of them telling you to “shut the fuck up” they include information they know would interest you until you feel like a jackass for even interrupting. Which is frowned upon in every finishing school.

You just got smacked by soft skills and you liked it.

If you get poor response from your ‘telling it like it is and the rest of you can go to hell” manner of communications, you might want to take a class.

Here in Portland the community college replaces finishing school.

 

Learn to communicate more clearly whether you are building a network, working with a team, or interested in having more fulfilling everyday interactions.

 

 

Soft Skills On Reddit

When you want to know something, look at the internet’s Front Page:

 

My Finishing School Stops Along The Way

The next stop in my finishing school marathon was the high school wrestling room.

If you’ve never been, it’s where friends go to try and bend each other in half.

Also where you learn the ‘Loser’s Walk’ after a match.

It’s a sport where you’re in the middle of a big mat with another kid and a referee.

You shake hands, take a stance, and go at it.

If you lose, you shake hands and walk back to the team in front of the whole crowd.

It’s too embarrassing until you realize the crowd has moved on the next match and the only person bothered is you.

 

The next stop to clean up my act with better manners was joining the Army.

The messaging began when we got off the bus at Receiving:

 

“There is a box near the door of the classroom where you will put your drugs and weapons. If you’re coming from LA we will check you on the way out.”

 

And the classic:

 

“Shut your hole trainee and drop for twenty.”

I missed the etiquette boat when my captain screamed into the night with, “Fourth Platoon Report.”

I didn’t report with, “All present and accounted for, Sir.”

My drill sergeant asked me, “What’s the problem. Tell the captain what he wants to hear.”

“My guys have fallen on the stairs and hurt themselves.”

“Tell him what he wants to hear, not that.”

“We’re not all present and accounted for, Drill Sergeant.”

“FOURTH PLATOON REPORT. WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON DOWN THERE, SERGEANT?”

“All present and accounted for, Sir,” he said.

Since then I’ve been more aware of what people want to hear instead of the truth.

They want the cuddle of soft skills that carry the same message as, “Go to hell.”

In some parts of the country ‘go to hell’ sounds like ‘bless your heart.’

In other places it sounds like, “We may need to look for a different path forward.”

What’s it sound like where you live?