DOCTOR VISIT SOLUTION

A man goes to a doctor visit with his wife.

He gets checked out and the doctor says, “That’s it. Just leave a urine sample, semen sample, and a stool sample.”

The wife says, “We haven’t got time for that. Just leave your underwear.”

Follow me for more time saving advice.

There’s a difference between the right thing and doing the right thing.

For example, if you are a squirrelly husband with a poor performance record, and you have opinions on others in marriage?

Go ahead and sit down.

No one needs to know how to lie to their spouse more effectively.

“Honey, I was working late, not out with your friend Sheila having drinks, no matter what the pictures she sent you look like. It was all work, work, work.”

 

Where’s The Money 

“What happened to your thumbs.”

“I borrowed some money and was late in payment.”

“What about your thumbs?”

“They are the interest.”

“Broken?”

“I ran into Rocky Balboa, the collector.”

“Did you call the police?”

When you can’t call the police, you’ve got problems.

 

How Does This Happen

I met a man who’d been picked up and detained, then transported across the country picking up other people scheduled for deportation.

His story was he was in a bar when things took a turn for the worse.

It got bad enough that he stabbed someone. But it was a little knife, he said.

One thing led to another and he was swept up and taken away.

Then something weird happened.

Everyone else got deported after all the stops, and he came back to his wife and kid.

He was nervous when I met him, worried about the knock on the door.

He’ll be nervous about the knock the rest of his life?

I would be.

 

The Lowest Common Denominator

If you’re a convicted criminal so used to breaking the law that you feel untouchable, what do you do?

Keep going. So far, so good.

Go ahead and challenge law enforcement to carry out their sworn duty.

On everyone else, just not you.

You’ll be big right up until you’re not, then you’ll be shocked at how small you get.

You’ll shrink to nearly invisible, at least that’s what it will feel like when you get shunned by the same people who used to salute you in the most fawning way.

I imagine it might feel like how it was for people inducted into the armed forces.

In the beginning you’re one of a group destined for induction in your normal clothes you wore in normal life.

The cool guy is cool, the strong guy is strong, the tough guy is tough.

Then you get processed.

First it’s the change of clothes, then the haircut, the shots, the barracks, until you feel like that brick in the wall.

All the cool, strong, and tough, gets tested and not everyone passes.

There’s something sad about the cool guy who gets chilled down, the strong guy who needs help with everything, the tough guy who complains non-stop.

 

PS: Everything is fine until you drop the mask and have to stand up and account for your actions.

 

PSS: There’s no crying allowed for those who’ve hidden behind their mask so long they can’t function without it.

When the big man turns small, and the small man gains stature based on common acts of good will, we all grow.