Chemo Nausea: How To Cope By Comparing Other Nausea

People who’ve lived a little, maybe over done things once or twice, have lists.

 

A Best Of list.

 

A Worst Of list.

 

Whether it’s a car, teacher, town, or vacation, it all fits one list or the other.

 

Then there’s the list you make for chemo nausea, which you only get if you’ve had chemo. No one wants that list, but like I always say, “Even if something sucks, you still need to do something with it.”

 

I started my chemo nausea list while in the throes of chemo nausea wondering what could be worse than this little bit of hell.

 

And I found it.

 

If you’ve had the flu, you know about nausea. Maybe you’ve had a few bouts of flu? That’s world class sickie shit, but chemo nausea comes out on top because it’s so new and unexpected.

 

Not that the flu is predictable, but flu nausea comes with the entire flu package if ill.

 

Chemo nausea is fresh and unpredictable. ‘You might get an upset stomach, you might not,’ is what the experts say at first.

 

Then they write a sequence of prescriptions for three anti-nausea meds.

 

“If this doesn’t work, take this. And if neither works, take this,” they say.

 

Right away I knew something was up. I might feel nauseous but not everyone does? I was sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

 

So what compares to chemo nausea? Teenage drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning.

 

Like chemo nausea for the uninitiated, teen drinking first time out with whiskey, or any hard alcohol really, is a stunner.

 

For example: A group of high school guys attended a wedding in the woods between a handsome groom and beautiful bride. To make it even better, the bride was a former cheerleader with fine crimson locks that looked like fire, she was so hot.

 

It was beautiful ceremony in a wooded amphitheater just out of town. During the “I Do’ moment a ray of sunlight broke through the trees and landed on her face. Magical is what it looked like.

 

The boys were all dressed in their senior picture finery, jackets, shirt and tie, slacks. Then came the reception. It featured a case of whiskey, which the boys interpreted as a bottle of booze for each of them.

 

After a few toasts gravity took over, coordination took a break, and a wall to lean against turned out to be tapestry. At least that’s what the falling down part of the program was blamed on.

 

One guy’s girlfriend drove everyone back to town and the house where they were staying. Except the host kid was more than a little wiped out. He needed time to regroup before leading the rest through his front door.

 

While the group struggled to snap out of it, one of the boy’s parents drove up. He stumbled over to warn them about the general conditions, and the specific shape of one.

 

“We’re waiting out here until their son sobers up,” he said with drunken enunciation.

 

From the back seat came another dad’s voice, the father of the most drunk among us. The parents had been on a double date.

 

“Send him in,” the other dad said climbing out of the car and heading for the door.

 

The boys gathered and decided they should all go in. The one who lived there went first, listened to his dad, then went to bed. The rest of them stood by the door explaining how beautiful the wedding was filtered through too much whiskey.

 

Then the sound of vomiting came out of a heater vent in the living room. It was the same vent connecting the bathroom. The more they heard they woozier they became. It was time to either leave or puke right there.

 

The next day was a hangover like no one had ever felt.

 

 

And that my friends is the second place finisher on the Worst Nausea list. Chemo nausea was head and shoulders above the rest.

 

Booze might make you drop to your knees and bark like a dog, but chemo is a soul crushing, moral killing, life wringing experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

 

You know it’s bad when even anti-nausea meds make you nauseous. And the merry go round keeps spinning and spinning.