HEMP HYPE FROM A GANJA GANGSTER

What Is Hemp Hype?

The Oregonian showed up with a front page above the fold image of someone about to roll a pile of weed into a single zigzag sheet.

It’s an inflammatory image geared to race the hearts of the anti-hemp crowd.

Baby boomers know this scene.

They’ve either lived it or left the room it was in.

Either way it’s a bad image.

To improve things, BoomerPdx investigators hit the research trail, which means asking questions of strangers in parking lots.

They targeted older people, those who were around for the old days.

This is the result:

Q: Have you seen today’s Oregonian with the picture of…?”

A: The hands, the weed, and the paper? Loved it. Stupid, but still loved it.

Q: Stupid?

A: Try and roll that much weed and most of it’s hitting the ground. Then what have you got? Ground weed. No one wants that. An honest picture would show the same thing, rolling a joint, over a Grateful Dead album.

Q: The Dead? Why the Dead?

A: Like a tribute. Drop the hemp on the cover, shake the seeds down, then roll. Excess lands safely.

Q: You don’t see a lot of seeds in today’s product.

A: And that’s too bad. Part of the experience in the 60’s and 70’s was dealing with an exploding joint when a seed burned and popped. You don’t see many burn holes in clothes and upholstery anymore.

Q: Did you notice the pie charts on the front page?

A: Just another part of pot propaganda. Could have used bar graphs, but pie sounds tastier. Yes, I saw the pie charts. Why?

Q: They asked where people got their last cannabis.

A: Cannabis? They said cannabis because it sounds better than weed, hemp, ganja, mary jane, or bong fuel.

Q: Bong fuel? Haven’t heard that one. Where did you get your last weed?

The Legal Hemp Question

A: Are you a cop? You have to tell me if I ask.

Q: Not a cop.

A: Good. Then I’ll tell you where my last hemp came from.

Q: Was it from a friend for free, or you shared with someone else?

A: No. It came from…

Q: You bought it, grew it, or traded something for it?

A: No. A friend of the family’s kid left it on accident.

Q: You didn’t give it back?

A: No I didn’t, and I also drink any beer they leave.

Q: Will the new marijuana laws affect your pot consumption?

Who Are You

A: Doubtful. Why so many questions?

Q: I’m writing a man-in-the -street post for a blog.

A: That’s why we’re in the parking lot? What the name of the blog?

Q: BoomerPdx. It covers habits and history of Portland Baby Boomers.

A: Well that’s not me. I’m only fifty three.

Q: You’re a boomer.

A: I thought all boomers were hippies or something.

Q: Some are, or were. It’s anyone born between 1946 and 1964.

A: Then I guess I am a boomer. Do I look like a weed expert?

Q: That’s a stereotype we don’t trade in. And yes, you are a weed expert. You’ve been around long enough to know the long, strange, trip its been.

A: Throwing some Dead back at me. I like that. You ought to talk to my older brother. He went through the whole thing. He said he went on a date once and his girl said they were going to get high and get laid. He was fifteen.

Q: How did it work out?

A: He said he drank two beers and passed out in a trailer.

Q: Well he was only fifteen.

A: He said he smoked with the son of a police chief once and the dad came home asking who did it. They were Mormons and the dad saw a Pepsi can. Weed wasn’t the issue, but he almost confessed.

Q: Okay then. Let’s get back to the Oregonian’s front page. Any other comments?

A: They’re going to create a dozen committees to study hemp. A dozen. How many of the committee people will be power users? How many will be ex-coke addicts who’ll say hemp was the gateway. Oregon has come a long way and leads the effort to normalize weed.

Q: Colorado and Washington did their part.

A: So is Alaska and Washington D.C.

Q: Do you feel you’ll use more hemp with the relaxed laws?

A: That’s really the missing information. I don’t think that’s the dam holding back smokers. Some people don’t like to smoke. They don’t like the feeling of losing control. They don’t drink, smoke, or cuss. But they’ll be sure and tell everyone they know how bad it all is.

Q: Any last word?

A: For a blogger? Yes. Get a real job.

Q: Thank you for your time.

A: No problem, stoner.