The notion of ‘Polite Society’ brings up images of well mannered, cultured people, living their best lives.
It’s ‘old money’, a good vocabulary, and quiet.
“I’m sorry,” leads to, “I’m so sorry,” with every other breath.
What are they sorry for?
As far as I can tell, they are so sorry that everyone else doesn’t meet their lofty expectations.
And that’s not a slam.
When we see famous names on people, we expect a certain decorum.
Is that fair?
When is the last time you heard the name Rockefeller in the news?
For me it was Nelson Rockefeller’s last stand.
When is the last time any of the original ‘robber barons’ made the front page?
“What we think of as the modern American economy was the creation of four men: Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, Jay Gould, and J. P. Morgan.
They were the giants of the Gilded Age, the tycoons behind the period of riotous growth that established America as the richest, most inventive, and most productive country on the planet.
They are, quite literally, the founding fathers of our economy – and, thus, of modern America.”
They passed into history quietly but need a refresher for the younger readers who never heard of them, and the older readers who forgot about them if they remembered them in the first place.
They were railroad and oil men, investors and bankers.
They made steel for the railroads to open the nation to new markets.
Polite society may have been an aspiration, but money was a greater aspiration.
Finishing School For Adults
You’ve heard of ‘finishing school?’
If not:
Ever imagine how life would be without social manners?
Elbows would rock tables. Forks would fly.
Rude people dominating etiquettical gatherings. In short, society would be a mess.
There are some unspoken social rules that even ill-bred can’t get around.
Earlier Finishing Schools taught etiquette skills to women to help them get accustomed in the rich families before they get married.
Traditionally, they were all about teaching girls a refined way of conducting themselves.
Girls were taught how to sit, walk, talk and behave in a social atmosphere.
I didn’t go to finishing school, but I did go to the Army, which is a finishing school of sorts.
I learned how to sit, walk, talk, and behave in a way that didn’t attract a screaming maniac.
Do it wrong and one of them, they’re called drill sergeants, would stand face to face with you and spray spit and words explaining what a worthless piece of garage you are, what trash we all were, until we learned the Army Way.
It was helpful for some, like the kid who said he didn’t have to follow orders because his mom knew a congressman.
Luckily, I had a father who had been a Drill Instructor in the Marine Corps, so I knew where the line was for how to behave in a social atmosphere.
Life Lessons For Polite Society
During those days I was stationed in Philadelphia where I had the opportunity to meet a great cross section of people passing through my clinic where civil service, retired military, and active duty in the area got their yearly physical work-up.
A retired colonel came through, we hit it off, and he invited me out to his place on the Main Line.
It became a regular thing, taking the train out of Center City, and I looked forward to it.
We’d do a little yard work before going to his club in Haverford for a sauna and lunch.
“The Merion Cricket Club is a forward-looking, family-oriented club established in 1865 to provide its members with excellent facilities and programs.
The Club encourages all levels of participation in sports and other activities, while at the same time enabling its members to socialize in an attractive environment with exceptional food and beverage service.
Merion conducts itself with honor and integrity in all its endeavors, and is proud of its history and tradition.”
I was twenty years old at the time.
This was nineteen with longer hair than it was a year later.
I felt pretty sturdy.
Due to the sport of wrestling at a high school with a strong wrestling culture I had already traveled to four national tournaments from Eugene to Stillwater, Oklahoma, to Iowa, and Fort Collins, Colorado.
I cut a nice figure, kept up my side of a conversation without going overboard, which gave the colonel’s wife an idea.
Why not introduce me to their friend’s daughters.
Over a series of dinners at their home, I met a series of finishing school girls.
Were they different than any other girls I knew?
Since they were at their parent’s friends’ house, they made sure their parents got a good report on their investment.
They were smart a the right time, funny at the right time, as if they and the colonel’s wife had much in common.
Like finishing school and polite society.
Did I like it? Was it fun? Yes, and yes.
I’m not saying they liked to smoke weed and hang out, but they did come downtown for a walk around with the guy from dinner.
That’s when it got more fun.
They complained about the pressure of expectations, meeting the right guy who met their parents’ approval.
Me: Do you feel like it’s too much?
Girl: It is too much. All of my girlfriends say the same thing.
Me: I know.
Girl: Do you?
Me: You have to sit right, talk right, and walk right to fit into polite society.
Girl: What about you?
Me: No one is reporting me to my Mom and Dad. Where I grew up we did well if a teacher or policeman didn’t talk to our parents, and my folks knew all the teaches and policemen.
Girl: Was it hard?
Me: It would have been if I was a fuck-up, but you have a higher bar. How is dating in your neighborhood?
Girl: The guys are worse than the girls trying to impress each other.
Me: Do they impress you?
Girl: Not yet, but they probably will when I decide to settle on one.
Me: That sounds so romantic.
Girl: It could be, if I’m lucky.
Me: What if you’re not lucky?
Girl: Then I’ll end up with a loser carrying an important family name who talks like Katherine Hepburn after a smoking a pack of Winstons and looks like their face is falling off from picking at pimples with a toothpick.
Me: Sounds like you know this guy already.
Girl: He’s my back-up plan in case nothing else works out.
Me: Nothing works out for me, so we have that in common.
Girl: Lucky for us, it’s still early.
Me: Is that finishing school talk, or starting school?
Girl: When does class begin?
Me: After we get to the point, and roll another joint.
Girl: Allow me.
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