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MATCH MAKER: BEST EFFORT vs GOOD ENOUGH

January 2, 2023 by

match maker

Being a match maker in 2023 means finding new matches.

If you’ve been trying to introduce people because ‘they’d be perfect together,’ it’s time to adjust expectations for the new year.

2022: Why aren’t you married?

2023: Marriage isn’t for everyone.

Married people think everyone should be married.

Some of them love the institution of marriage so much they get married over and over instead of just throwing a costume party for friends plus one.

When a successful man ends a marriage and buys a boat to cruise calmer waters, what’s he really doing?

He’s looking for a boat woman to marry on his boat.

If he’s been in the navy he calls it a ship.

But finding someone, anyone, to marry on a boat is a red flag.

She may love your boat, but you’re going to need a bigger one.

That’s when you need a match maker, or yacht agent.

The Olden Days Match Maker

match maker

How many times have we seen love at first sight work out?

They were the perfect match right up until they weren’t.

That happens when a girl sees a guy in a hot car and imagines herself riding shotgun.

More than a few love songs follow that thunder road.

From your front porch to my front seat
The door’s open but the ride it ain’t free
And I know you’re lonely for words that I ain’t spoken
But tonight we’ll be free, all the promises’ll be broken

The radio was a match maker growing up.

What do you do after hearing a song called Barbara Ann?

Wait for a girlfriend named Barbara, what else?

What do you do after seeing The Graduate?

Find a woman named Elaine.

How many Elaine’s are there?

One is a restaurant, one is a Seinfeld character, and one is my wife.

Updated Match Making

If you find the love of your life, it’s better to find them when you’re not looking.

Here’s a plan:

I knew a woman who loved the east coast because you could put on something nice, go to a restaurant, and feel like a big deal.

Is that a red flag, or just an eastie tradition?

(If she looks like a princess, you must be what? A Prince? Duke? A King?)

If you’re not a big deal, but portray one, is that a ‘best effort’, or a weak ‘good enough?’

I’ll check divorce rates for reference:

In the United States, about 50% of married couples divorce, the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world. Subsequent marriages have an even higher divorce rate: 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of all third marriages end in divorce.

As a single man in 1980 Portland’s Northwest neighborhood my plan was to ‘never go on a date.’

Since I didn’t have a car, it was easy and practical.

Anything resembling a date was a walk around the block.

If that worked out, we’d walk a little further.

The key was walking long enough to get hungry.

Then the main stop was a place called the Wheel of Fortune that featured the same menu everyday:

A bowl of vegetable or lentil soup, a salad, half a round loaf of bread, and unlimited croutons.

It’s probably the healthiest place I’ll ever be a regular.

One time I forgot my new hat.

The next time in the guy at the register who looked like John Belushi wore it.

He looked better in it than I did, so I didn’t say anything.

2

The Wheel of Fortune wasn’t a dress up and pretend place.

Cafeteria set-ups don’t leave a lot to the imagination.

Walk in, order and pay, pick up a tray and load it up.

No slick waiter with infinite knowledge of everything, no five star chef, not a gastronomique, just real food for real times.

Does it get more real for two people navigating an uncertain future while it speeds forward?

The lady friends who fit into the ambiance of a cheap, healthy, organic food stop that helps the community were my kind of women.

While they had their sights set a little higher than some bike riding runner with an apartment big enough to dream in, the time and place were the best match maker.

My Mom once asked, “What kind of a girl will you attract without a car?”

Me: “A good walker.”

So, let’s get to the point.

What can single people in their twenties and thirties do now to cut through online dating that resembles the east coast tradition of dressing up like a fake big deal?

This link points to Portland Eater and a list of ‘old school’ restaurants, the ‘classics.’

They won’t be better than Wheel of Fortune, and you probably can’t walk there, but it’s a start in the right direction.

3

I married one of my Wheel of Fortune partners in crime thirty-six years ago.

Last night we gathered up sons and daughters and the old man, me, wore a suit and tie like it was Brooklyn in 1978.

The suit was baggy, the shirt collar too big, but it felt right, felt respectful. It felt Godfather-ish.

Everyone had a look of elegance and grace.

We would have been welcomed in fine establishments around the world, I’m sure.

Our next stop felt like one of those places, Ryan’s Acropolis, which defined elegance and grace from the 11th floor, with a guest appearance by Portland Trail Blazer Jerami Grant.

Okay, we all said hello near the elevator, us getting out, he going in with bags of groceries.

A real guy taking care of business on his own made my heart sing.

We gave him a respectful cheer.

To show Portland was better than Philadelphia, OKC, Denver, or Detroit, I thought to invite him over to my place for my wife’s home cooking.

That’s normal from a guy in a baggy suit with a Blazer fan entourage?

Next time for sure.

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About David Gillaspie

I am a writer. This is my blog story day by day.

Comments

  1. Randall says
    January 3, 2023 at 12:20 pm

    Like most modern humans, I’ve been married. Like some percentage of modern humans, I’ve been married twice. In my looking back on the experiences of marriage, I find many faults with the concept. From the legal perspective.

    Marriage is a legal contract that you enter into without ever reading the fine print. Most probably, no one ever shows you the fine print. So when you decide to exit a marriage, swarms of lawyers race forward who are eager to have you read the fine print for the first time. Now.. I agree that divorce law was written to protect a woman with no means of support and children to care for. I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with is when the marriage is between two economically capable individuals and the law punishes one of them to the point that the one party’s life is pretty much destroyed and he/she (he) has to become a a fugitive or similar criminal to continue to have a life.

    I was fortunate. All I had to do to save my existence and my future was give up everything I own and half of my income for ten years. Don’t laugh–that’s what I had to agree to in order to reclaim my life. And it was worth it. But that level of punishment should not have been necessary.

    It tarnished my attitude towards women and relationships, and made me swear I would never get married again. Many honorable and very desirable women lost their opportunity to have a fulfilling relationship with me because of the trauma of my divorce.

    That’s where I’ll stop my story. I just want to make the one point, which is that marriage can be really traumatizing and therefore should be avoided at all costs. There are better ways to love someone than to make them your spouse.

    No, I didn’t learn.

    • David Gillaspie says
      January 4, 2023 at 5:44 am

      Good call, Randall. It’s a steep learning curve from what I’ve seen and heard.

      The wife and I talk about life if one of us dies before the other.

      She says she hopes I’d get married again. I asked why?

      “So you won’t be lonely.”

      “Was I lonely when you met me?”

      I won’t be getting married again if it comes up. Why deprive the children of meeting new people?

      It’s not a great plan. Besides, I love my wife.

      Do I think she ought to remarry if I go first? So she wouldn’t be lonely?

      She’s the marrying kind. It would take five husbands to replace me. I do say that.