Marriage promises are different than marriage vows?
If you don’t know the answer right away, this is the blog post for you.
See, everybody takes wedding vows, makes wedding vows, shares a kiss, and calls it good.
That’s when the promising starts, if it hasn’t been going on up until then.
The kernel of an idea to write about promises came during a thoughtful discussion that included:
Wife: Sometimes I wonder why you ever got married. All you want to do is write and be alone.
She’s not wrong, but this is something you might expect in the first few years of marriage when the wife gets a clear picture of her man and starts to wonder.
But closing in on forty years of wedded bliss and you hear this?
You might start to wonder, or you should.
Take a quick inventory of time and events and who was where, how long you stayed, and if everyone seemed to have a good time together.
Don’t go back too far. A week should do it.
As an interested baby boomer, interested in my off-spring and how they’re bouncing around, I partake in granddad activities.
Granddad activities? Picking up, delivering, dog walks, watching baby.
I don’t say babysitting with the kid who never stops long enough to sit.
Sunday was beer drinking, football watching, and working out after a lovely Saturday evening with our lively friends cooking two of the best pizzas in recent memory.
“I’ll have one piece, maybe two.”
I didn’t eat a whole pizza, but it was that good.
Earlier Saturday was a walk in the park to a couple of play grounds where the little road runner took off for the climbing, sliding, running, and doing it over and over.
Friday was OMSI and Christopher Marley.
Does that sound like the schedule of a recluse?
If it is, I’m a bad recluse.
Looking Under The Marriage Promises Hood
For Better Or Worse:
The rule is you can’t change people, and your spouse qualifies as someone you can’t change.
But you can try some behavior modification.
With any luck, you and your loved one know how to modify your behavior without reminding each other. Every. Minute. Of. The. Day.
For Better: You help each other and support each other even when you know the other one is wrong, (like the recluse stuff.)
For Worse: You help each other even when the other one insists they don’t need any help.
Husband: I’m helping you.
Wife: No you’re not, you’re making things worse.
Husband: I still get credit for trying to help, or I’ll keep helping.
Wife: Is that a threat?
Husband: No, because that wouldn’t be helpful.
For Richer Or Poorer:
Things change over the years together, but early on you need to do a financial check-up on your potential partner.
Do they have a checking account? A savings account? Do they have financial literacy?
If your dude drives a jacked up muscle car and lives in a dump, find out why.
If your dudette dresses like a fashion influencer with no visible means to pay, talk about it.
Check for outstanding student loans, debt to the VA, and the current plan to repay since it might fall to you when you get married.
Speaking of plans, work in the path from poorer to richer, not the other way around.
In Sickness And In Health:
Think of what you’d take on a long trip to the far reaches of the earth.
Make a list and compare it with your partner, because for all intents and purposes, getting married is a long strange trip.
Then compare medication lists.
If your partner is stressed, anxious, nervous, can’t sleep, has night terrors, wets the bed, sleep walks, or more, you want to know before the boat leaves the dock.
Go on and get married, just know what’s going on in the coming years.
Why Did You Get Married?
That’s what my wife asked me, which she does on occasion, like I don’t remember why, or she’s checking for consistency.
‘Why did I get married’ has a different answer from everyone.
Some say, “I was tired of dating.”
Or, “You seemed to stick around with no problem.”
Or, “Because your sister was already married.”
Or, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Did anyone ever say, “Because I had a crush on Lee Remick?”
Here’s my answer:
Remember back in the early 1980’s when all the hot girls wore a flower in their hair?
Maybe it was a carry-over from the hippie days and no one knew, but they liked the look.
I liked the look, and no one wore a flower better than you.
You had a flower in your hair when you walked up the sidewalk on NW Lovejoy in your cornflower blue summer dress.
I was talking to a new guy in the neighborhood, telling him the best women in Portland either live in Northwest Portland, or come here for fun.
“And look, here comes one now.”
I felt something I’d never felt before.
After a good span of dating, I always felt like I was ‘the one who got away’ after we broke up.
“When I saw you the first time I already regretted meeting you because you’d be the one that got away and I barely knew you.”
We got to know each other better because the new guy in the neighborhood I was talking to was your boyfriend.
I caught on when you walked up and kissed him.
After that we saw each other in passing more frequently. I rub off on people, not always in a good way.
And that’s why I got married.
I rubbed off on you so much I needed to be with you to be me.
And here we are.
About David Gillaspie
