HISTORY CLASS NEEDS AUTHENTICATION, VERIFICATION

My father in law was a big history class fan; he gave his own history a good spin.

The man had been everywhere and done everything, driven every kind of rig that’s ever been made, flown airplanes in every war that had airplanes.

His stories were familiar the first time I heard them when my now wife took me to meet her parents. I’d met parents before and didn’t enjoy the experience and didn’t expect much different.

Once he rolled out his dubious history class record, it started being fun.

The drive home from LA to Portland was one for the record books. My wife and I share a charming need to be right, get the last word, then a laugh when one of us sweeps the other.

Her step-dad handed me wins for months to come, if I were that sort of jerk.

We started early for the drive back and I wasted no time listing the long line of bull.

“You’ve heard him tell the same stories before and never said anything?” I said.

“It’s not that big of deal. He likes to talk, so why not let it go,” she said.

“And your mom listens and believes him?”

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“Because it made up? It’s not true. He gave a bad history class.”

History class review

I explained with dates and events how it would be impossible for a man to fly jets in WWII unless they were German, and that it was unlikely one person would fly fighters in three wars, get shot down in each one, get captured, and escape from POW camps.

His WWII story sounded a lot like JFK swimming the ocean. Since he gave island names I looked them up out of personal interest. Only about two thousand miles apart which isn’t too far for a strong swimmer.

“Why would one veteran slam another,” she said.

I’m a veteran, too, a Vietnam-era vet.

“Remember the time I told you my time in the jungles eating snakes? No, because I wasn’t in the jungle eating snakes,” I said.

“Tell me again where you were in Vietnam.”

I was stationed in Philadelphia.

Pop in law’s Vietnam story was eerily similar to the McCain legend.

In what felt like a scene from a movie, he had the nicks and dents and scars that come from doing something dangerous.

During the drive home, wife and I made up the stories we would tell when we got old. My favorite was the time we were stow aways on the space shuttle Challenger and we survived by hiding in the kitchen.

I’m going to show my one podium picture and explain it was the champion of everything ever tried.

Go big, or go home with that history class.