FAT SHAMING HALL OF FAME

Fat shaming, while not new, took a new turn.

A concerned partner wrote for advice on a relationship with someone gaining weight.

Have you written for relationship advice? Ever?

And expected a response?

Me neither, but this is amazing:

These aren’t the first words asking for advice, but the most telling:

Recently, she asked me straight up if I am less attracted to her now than I was when we first met.

I couldn’t lie to her face, and so I said yes.

You couldn’t lie to her face? The question was about feelings. Feelings change one way, then the other, then back.

They’re all over the place, and yet somehow we find ways not to hurt feeling and still be understood. The bar’s not too high.

You can’t be intentionally hurtful, call it, “the truth,” and find any sympathy for fat shaming.

She didn’t ask, “Are you a serial killer?”

It wasn’t, “Are you in a Charlie Manson Revival Cult?”

Or, “Does your momma know you’re an idiot?”

If momma didn’t know, she does now.

Big And Tall

This should be easy, but not easy enough?

“Do my pants make my butt look too big?”

“Your butt’s not too big. Are those new pants? I like them.”

If you answer this next question truthfully, make sure your bags are packed with all of your extra ‘truths.’

“Are you less attracted to me now than when we first met?”

Quick, someone hide every mirror in the world.

If you’e ever felt the lightning strike of true love on some enchanted evening, or saw a face in a crowded place, it’s all downhill from there.

If you didn’t get married in middle school then you’ve dated people during your different sizes and thought, ‘We’d look better together if I lost weight.’

. . . gaining and losing weight, over and over and over, is part of nearly everyone’s life.

I had a swimming suit once that made me look fat, like every other swim suit. They made me look fat because I was fat.

So did my big clothes.

I was one cheeseburger away from the Big and Tall Man’s Shop.

If you’re 6’2″ or shorter and your waist measures the same or larger than your chest, you need clothes from a big and tall store. “Big” sizes are designed for men with a full waist and average height.

I wrestled at 180 lbs as a twenty year old; as a forty-five year old I refused to believe the scale was accurate at 280.

Needless to say, I’ve been up and down more than I’d like to admit.

Today, If I walk up and down hills in three layers of sweatsuits for two hours I weight 227. Otherwise 233 right out of bed.

I check.

Personal Fat Shaming

More from the advice column:

You’ve asked for some practical advice, and so here it is: Start with yourself. Work on yourself. I’m not talking about liking photos of fat yogis and body positive quotes on Twitter.

How did it feel to be fat and hear, “Well now we know who doesn’t work for a living,” at a high school reunion?

I knew I was fat. My head looked like Little Face from Dick Tracy. I also knew I could change my appearance.

Did some twitching methy guy from another class help? It’s a guy I’ve seen once in fifty years and I remember?

Fat shaming is memorable is all I can come up with.

Imagine if it came from someone you planned a future with?

The advice columnist includes part of their own journey with size:

I almost didn’t get back on my bike after I started healing from Long Covid, because I felt like a sausage stuffed into my spandex bike clothes, but my wife encouraged me to just buy better fitting bike clothes.

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Here’s the funny thing about writing a long-term blog: Reviewing 620 posts tagged ‘fat.’

Nineteen tagged ‘fat shaming.’

I got on an airplane with my wife one time. We fly cheap and don’t always sit together.

This time there was a seat in the back, and one in front, business class or something with more room.

I was the one who needed more room, so I got the front seat, whispering to my wife, “I’m almost First Class. You’re with the cattle. Moo.”

I’ve never flown first class and more than once had a seat near the bathroom, so I was surprised to be up front and strutted it.

Then my two seat mates arrived. A man and a woman. The biggest couple I’ve ever seen. Without arm rests they would have been comfortable across all three seats.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, we got arranged, talked about them dropping off their kid at college for the first time, got snacks.

A nice couple on a trip.

Fat shaming didn’t cross my mind, but I felt smaller.

The man and woman knew how to navigate with grace and skill.

I took note, you know, just in case.

The next time you need to be honest about weight, make it your weight.

Then come back and tell us what you did.

I’ll be over here wondering if it’s too early for lunch.