FAKE AUTHORITY? RECOGNIZE THE POWER, USE IT, MOVE ON

 

 

Fake authority never takes time off.

Too much gone wrong ’round here. So much to do and so little time.

While busy, you never hear fake authority figures compared to janitors.

Because it’s a bad comparison? Because good janitors make bad writers?

Or because a trained janitor, and not a good one, best understands fake authority?

Their job is cleaning up after people, or preparing venues for people to trash, then the clean up.

Fake authority spins that job into their version of events, steering clear of the ground work.

Instead, they say things like, “This is a disaster, a total meltdown, and only one person can fix it.”

You can bet they’re not talking about a janitor.

Consider F. Scott Fitzgerald’s take on the monied-class. He says rich people are different than the rest of us. That they make big messes and move on, leaving it for others to clean up.

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Greg Gianforte made a big fake authority mess with Ben Jacobs.

So he must be rich?

From wiki:

Gianforte co-founded Brightwork Development Inc., a software company, in 1986; he and his partners sold the company to McAfee Associates for $10 million in 1994, then moved to Bozeman, Montana.

Gianforte founded RightNow Technologies in 1997. The company went public in 2004 and was sold to Oracle Corporation for $1.5 billion in 2011.

Sounds like an authority in his field, but a fake authority in the glare of the free press.

(For international readers: Roughing up reporters might be the norm in your country, but we don’t like it here. Even if they’re obnoxious bearded twerpy looking little shits who could use a good body slam since their momma raised them with Time Outs instead of good old fashioned caning, we still don’t like it.)

If they need to fight it out, we can do that.

Channel your inner-Michael Buffer, your inner, “Let’s Get Ready To Ruuuuuuuumblllllllle”

IN THE FAR CORNER STANDS, Choke Slam Gianforte, a real force in and out of the octagon, who channels NOAH for his work ethic.

CUT TO: Soft focus video of old people working in a chicken processing plant with Voice Over:

• Gianforte has outlined his position on retirement by using the Biblical example of Noah. He said, “There’s nothing in the Bible that talks about retirement. And yet it’s been an accepted concept in our culture today. Nowhere does it say, ‘Well, he was a good and faithful servant, so he went to the beach… The example I think of is Noah. How old was Noah when he built the ark? 600. He wasn’t like, cashing Social Security checks, he wasn’t hanging out, he was working. So, I think we have an obligation to work. The role we have in work may change over time, but the concept of retirement is not biblical.

With a nickname like Choke Slam, what do you expect? His name’s not Pat On The Back for good reason.

And he helps us understand by explaining current issues with Biblical references.

Father Choke Slam Gianforte?

AND IN THE NEAR CORNER, we have Ben ‘The Neck’ Jacobs.

• a Washington, D.C.–based political reporter for The Guardian. He previously worked at The Daily Beast. His journalism has also been published in outlets including The Boston Globe, The New Republic, The Atlantic, and the online news sites Salon and Capital New York.

In Choke Slam’s corner they call him ‘One Of Them’. ‘Them’ for short.

How will they fight after this altercation at the weigh-in?

CUT TO: Slow-mo video of Mike Tyson knock-out highlights with VO:

According to Fox News reporter Alicia Acuna, who witnessed the incident, “Gianforte grabbed Jacobs by the neck with both hands and slammed him into the ground,” then “began punching the man” and “yelling something to the effect of ‘I’m sick and tired of this!'”; Acuna added that Jacobs was not showing “physical aggression” prior to the altercation.

This is why he’s not named Pussy Foot Gianforte.

Is it too much? Too little? Maybe hit Jacobs with a folding chair? Drop a People’s Elbow? Add a Stone Cold Stunner?

Come on Choke Slam, grow a pair.

Or grow some tolerance, you thin skinned rich boy fake authority.

Just because you don’t agree, don’t endorse, or just plain good old boy don’t give a shit in Montana so fuck off, isn’t a green light for your version of WWE. Bro.

Someone’s in your face? Step back. Register the angle. Then, USE. YOUR. WORDS, tiger.

Read Jacobs’ resume. He’s been annoying people for a while. He’s good at it.

And you’re good at choke slams?

Frank Sinatra’s goons are all having a good laugh at such a rookie mistake.

You need ‘people.’ Frankie had plenty, but not you.

Instead, you bulldog a generation gap around the room. For this?

To top of it all off, you broke a nerd’s glasses with fake authority.

Today we are all Nerd Glasses.