AGE APPROPRIATE FOR WHO

Who says, “Grow up and try to be age appropriate,” and who do they say it too?

Your hair’s too long, your clothes don’t match, and you don’t smoke the same cigarettes as them.

But that was a long time ago.

Since 1966 we’ve learned how to find satisfaction.

Baby boomers got a haircut and got a real job.

But not everyone got the message:

 

My parents taught me what life was about
So I grew up the type they’d warn me about
They said my friends were just an unruly mob
And I should, get a haircut and get a real job

Get a haircut and get a real job
Clean your act up and don’t be a slob
Get it together like your big brother Bob
Why don’t you, get a haircut and get a real job?

 

The problems started after the years piled up, opportunities missed, and regret takes hold.

But is it a real problem when an older man pops his collar, flips his ball cap backward, and starts buying guitars?

Not for me since I don’t pop my collar and wear hats backward.

There’s more grief than needed for older dudes wearing the backward hat.

Yes, the brim is for face shade, not neck protection, and worn backward it looks like a beret.

Any problems with wearing a beret? Maybe you’ve got one . . . in your closet.

If you’re not in France for your gap year, save the beret for Halloween, Marcel.

If anyone needs to wear a beret, it’s your girl, says Prince:

She wore a Raspberry beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry beret
And if it was warm she wouldn’t wear much more
Raspberry beret
I think I love her

Besides, if you’re really yearning for that special remembrance, flip the hat.

 

Age Appropriate? Ask Your Wife

I got married in the same rig Prince Charles wore when he married Diana, a morning coat suit.

It had the feel of a prom, a wedding, and a funeral to cover an entire life span.

But it didn’t start out that way:

 

Me: How about I get a new jean jacket and we have a western themed wedding. We’re in the west, and Sandy, Oregon is in the country.

Wife:

Me: Okay, new jeans and a sports coat for a casual wedding that will put everyone at ease?

Wife:

Me: I could borrow one of Glenn’s suede jackets. That’s a good look.

Wife:

Me: Maybe a new suit? I don’t have a suit so we’d kill two birds with one wedding.

 

I was thirty-one and had been around the block once or twice. Not the marriage block, but I was engaged once before to a woman who couldn’t quite land the big fish of her dreams.

We didn’t break if off because of wedding attire, it was a disagreement on how to proceed.

She wanted me to take a more active part in the planning, like I’m supposed to be a wedding planner and take charge?

My wife had me figured out from the start. Not that she married a slacker, but a jean jacket wedding? It sounds kind of cool.

 

Me: Here’s an idea, why don’t I dress up like Prince Charles and make my brothers wear the same gear? Sounds kind of stupid, right?

Wife: Here’s the number for the tux rental place. Be sure and get your brothers’ measurements so they don’t look like they’re wearing a monkey suit.

 

Later:

 

Me: We’re wearing morning coats.

Brothers: You said no monkey suits.

Me: She didn’t go for the jean jackets.

Brothers: We already bought them.

 

Age appropriate dress for a first wedding in your thirties? Dress it up.

I think I wore that morning coat for two days.

 

Mature People Make Mature Decisions? OK Boomer

Is there anything sadder than an old man who can’t face facts, who make up their own reality?

Yes there is, and it’s the people who follow him, pay him, and want to be like him.

That’s what happens when the old man is a suave lady-killer, a financial operator, and world traveler.

He draws people from the top and bottom of the economic structure.

People at the high end dig his trickle down money smarts; people at the bottom want to stick it to rich guys who look down on them with a fuck-you vote.

You lack education but don’t want money wasted on schools? Now you’re a policy expert spouting talking points you heard on Fox?

As a proud American you want what’s best for your country but can’t see the slime of a carpet bagging drag-ass surrounded by scum parroting their god-figure sent to earth to do the work for Jesus?

Age appropriate behavior also means being kind to people confused by reality.

I’m not a conspiracy guy most of the time, but what is there to say about an elected official who treats their office as a cash cow instead of serving the people?

When a man meets the world’s most dangerous figure, schedules a meeting out of site, and comes back looking like a whipped dog, something’s not right.

When a man watches a nation in distress during Covid with the observation, “It is what it is,” something’s not right.

When the same man sics his followers on other elected officials to contest a close election? That’s not Al Gore, my friends. That’s not Nixon.

I’ve been a whiner and complainer all my life. It’s not fair that I have to do things I don’t want to do.

Take out the garbage? Boo. Wash the car? Oh God, why me. Go shopping with my wife? Kill me now.

But I still take out the trash, wash the car, and do things with my wife. Why? Because that’s what relationships demand.

Instead of trying to raw-dog strangers, I’m a husband.

Instead of floating alternative facts know to be bullshit, I use my Portland State education.

There are those who see the world as it is and ask why; There are those who see the world as it could be and ask, why not?

Then there are those with their head up their butt giving weather forecasts: It looks like another brown day for everyone, the brownest day anyone has ever seen, believe me.

Probably got some stinky fog attached, but no one wants to hear about that.