EMPATHY HAPPENS, EVENTUALLY

The man in the tap house said, “Empathy happens,” and he reminded me of how important it is to stop in for a beer when the occasion calls.

I’ve known him for years, just not the way my wife knows people.

She’s knows people like no one I know, so she asks questions that she would ask.

And I don’t have one answer.

How old is he. Married? Kids? Lives nearby? What’s he do?

Wait, I do have an answer to the last one.

What he does is show strength and perseverance over a condition that breaks most men.

He is unbroken, with the calm and kind demeanor of someone who knows what it is for men to break.

He’s got an air of wisdom you only find in people who have been through the fire, or are in the fire.

I asked him how things were going with the people around him?

He said, “Empathy happens.”

 

But Not All At Once

Important things have to happen before you get the idea of empathy, which leads to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

 

Physiological Needs: These are our basic survival needs like food, water, and sleep.

Safety Needs: This level includes job security, personal safety, and financial stability.

Love and Belonging Needs: We all have a need for friendship, intimacy, and a sense of belonging.

Esteem: This level is about gaining recognition, respect, and self-confidence.

Self-Actualization: The highest level represents the desire to reach our full potential and achieve personal growth.

Don’t forget the need he later added on top of self-actualization needs: Transcendence needs.

“Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos.”

 

There’s always more, but this boomer blogger is fine with the basics.

Call them Baby Boomer Basics, because we’re older.

The youth work to get through the bottom levels, and with the struggle comes understanding as they grow older.

Or should.

If a grown man has achieved all, or most, levels of Maslow, and decides their best effort is reserved for making things harder than they need to be for others to work through it, something is wrong.

If people who ought to know better can’t see beyond their own nose, and stick that nose into every place they can, something is wrong.

When an adult male makes the kind of statements reserved for ignorant children who have yet to feel the forces of life they can’t control, and no one speaks up to correct them?

Something is wrong, but is it the guy, or the audience?

Empathy happens when someone helps you get through difficult times, not when someone tells you you deserve to suffer.

You don’t rise by standing on people already under a crushing weight.

 

Climb The Pyramid

My parents nailed the first three levels for their kids.

No bumps in the road from them while their boys were growing up.

The bumps came later.

I learned and earned esteem on my own without the extra baggage of being told I had no chance of achieving the same level of success as my folks.

They believed in the advantages of higher education and passed it to us.

I didn’t see it clearly at first, but it came into focus as time passed.

During my graduation one student was recognized for working full-time, raising a family, and owning a home, while keeping up with class work.

I felt good for her and knew how hard it all was. How did I know?

I was a working full-time, family raising, married man with a mortgage.

Did I want the same acknowledgment? I already had it.

As a writer busy writing this blog, I can address any topic, but what is more important than laying out the basics of being a good person?

My buddy in the tap house put it like this: If you’re in a room with twenty people who say it smells like shit, and you don’t smell anything? Check your shoe.

 

PS: Part of leadership, part of citizenship in America, is recognizing needs and working toward fulfilling them.

 

PSS: Your part is helping fulfill those needs by selecting leaders who understand the work ahead of them and reject those who can’t or won’t address what’s in front of their face.

 

Go ahead and make a difference.