JUDGING OTHERS? WHY BOTHER

Judging others could be a sport, but it’s not.

You can’t have a sport where no one wins, and that’s where judging is.

It’s a race to the bottom for people who ought to look in the mirror more often.

This isn’t some secret message to people who have called me fat, but . . .

What is the opposite of fat shaming? Skinny shaming.

Imagine getting called out in public for being too thin?

“What’s wrong with you? Eat. Why don’t you eat? Are you sick?”

Well, maybe they are and don’t want it broadcasted by you, so thanks a lot.

Or maybe they know a secret, like don’t binge eat late a night whether it’s cake, ice cream, or left over spaghetti.

Maybe they understand portion control at the dinner table and skip seconds and thirds and, “Are you going to eat that?”

Euro-thin people stand out in America, but they plump up if they stay long enough.

Then they go home to, “What happened to you?”

My family tree is not full of delicate twigs. We’re more like tree trunks holding up the rest.

Do we enjoy judging others? Not always.

 

Consider The Source

The chattier the person, the more they’re hiding.

If they keep up their end of the conversation, and yours, and you can’t get a word in, it’s not an accident.

Not that there’s anything wrong with hiding and avoiding things that upset you.

Keep talking and you won’t get upset.

I’ve had a feeling for a while now that writers keep writing so they won’t get upset.

They talk about what bothers them so they won’t feel so all alone.

If they’re not out to prove they’re better than other writers with better stories, better business sense, then what are they actually doing?

I won’t answer for everyone else with a blog sporting 3500 posts asking people to do better while the world spins toward uncertainty, but???

Why not try?

Identify someone who bothers you and find their good points.

Find a family member, neighbor, a TV personality, a sports star, and name one good thing you know about them.

Find that one thing, and reflect on it whenever you think of them.

Then add another and eventually you’ll shed that poor past you once shared.

It’s a small step, a small thing, but it’s going the right direction.

So go with it.

 

Looking Out For Positive Influences

Judging others for anything is a natural reaction.

You see results and think, ‘they done good,’ or,’they done bad,’ or, ‘I could have done better.’

That last one is the problem, the basis for poor judgement.

You could have done better, but you did nothing, so there’s no proof to your pronouncement.

My buddies and I used to say you can’t believe anything unless you see the pictures and read the news clips.

If you can do better, do it and show it. Just be sure your scale of ‘better’ is the same as the original.

I recently met a local guy who liked talking about humbling experiences.

He was a star high school football player who showed up for college practice and learned that everyone was as big and strong and fast as him.

Maybe more, which was humbling.

He snapped his achilles tendon in fall practice and took a medical redshirt year, which was humbling.

That’s when he learned he was a forgotten recruit to the coaches who had been so friendly and welcoming.

They were friendly and welcoming to the player, not the patient, which was humbling.

He talked about a high school teammate, a five star, can’t miss, player who was going to make it to the NFL.

 

Me: I remember that guy. You were friends?

Guy: We were teammates.

Me: He was your wingman?

Guy: Just teammates. Other than that I had a job and he went to parties. This was a guy who never lifted weights and was still stronger and looked better than anyone.

Me: What happened to him?

Guy: We still talk. He’s thinking about going MMA.

Me: That’s a tough one. I’ve noticed the winners and losers both look like they got their ass kicked in the end. Have you ever seen a match live?

Guy: No. What’s it like?

Me: I went to one at Roseland on Burnside and 6th. A guy took a punch in the throat and couldn’t breathe. The medical team revived him and he invited the crowd to the bar next door for a drink.

Guy: That sounds bad.

Me: It was rowdy as hell and circles of guys were laying bets in the standing room only crowd. It felt like one of those fight pictures from the Thirties and Forties but without the cloud of cigarette smoke.

Guy: Maybe my buddy will fight there.

Me: It’s probably his kind of party.

 

Judging Others Too Soon

This is the senior team picture of the Battling Bulldogs of 1973.

Some of the guys had played together since fifth grade flag football.

Others came in from the country schools like North Bay.

We were a good mix with outside speed on offense and a stout defense.

Coach Johnson was in his second year. We helped turn the corner from past seasons of defeat after defeat.

When he got his guys running his program he took the team to the state playoffs, and unheard of feat for a small school in a big school league.

Our big win was getting voted Most Handsome Seniors in the district.

We had a losing season, but we did it looking good for the ultimate win.

Looking at the stats we were losers, but looking at the team?

The Pretty Boy Bulldogs weren’t losers.

No one could say that if they judged fairly.

(That’s me primping under the ‘D’ in Bulldogs.)