HUMAN TRAINING IS DOG TRAINING

Human training is complicated. How complicated?

Ask a teacher, an instructor, a professor.

Ask a coach, a Drill Sergeant, a parent.

Or just ask yourself, “Was I difficult to train?”

A segment of older people, let’s call them Baby Boomers, enjoy posting on social media about their childhoods.

“No seat belts, car seats, no warning labels, none of the nanny shit kids are raised with today.

“When we screwed up, things were simple: we got our ass whipped with a razor strop, a belt, an extension cord. We got beat with a coat hanger, mom’s shoe, or went outside and cut a branch off a tree.

“And we turned out fine. Today’s kids are soft.”

This generational chest thumping usually comes from people who never had kids, or had kids with their first husband / wife;  or their second, or third.

There’s a disconnect between the past and present, between what’s better for a kid and how your parents raised you.

If you’re a younger reader on boomerpdx, rest assured. Old people bragging about their punishment are protecting their parents’ behavior.

Don’t @ me.

Well adjusted, mature, adults keep that shit between them and their therapist because they still feel like a little bitch for not ‘taking it like a man.’

Other adults stay with the ‘Look how I turned out’ story.

Once I got married and had kids, the wife and I decided we wouldn’t beat the children.

We caught a whiff of bullshit from folks when we gave the kids timeouts instead of the club, like we were ruining their chance for a good life.

 

About Dog Training

What I’ve learned is humans and dogs have a similar response to positive training.

I’m working with my dog, using training treats, and commands like, “come, sit, down.”

No, “Stay.”

I was inspired by another dog owner who called their dog, and the dog came right to them.

They surprised me since my dog comes to me when she decides.

I asked how they got such a positive response.

“We use a shock collar.”

It seemed like a dog training cheat at the time. Cruel, and unusual.

 

Time passed and I worked with my dog with little success.

During an ice storm I walked her out the door. She lunged and I slipped.

With genetically enhanced coordination and athleticism, I did the flailing balance dance and didn’t fall to the cement.

Close call, but what if it was my wife with the leash?

After a few more close calls, frustrations, and doubts about having such a big, strong, dog, we started serious training.

This came after pet store training classes that were helpful, but largely ineffective because I didn’t know what I was doing.

 

The technology that is utilized in the construction of our collar is similar technology to “electronic muscle stimulators” and “TENS” units.

You may be familiar with the use of these devices in the medical field (they are very common in the Chiropractic and Physical Therapy fields) or perhaps you’ve seen devices advertised on TV as “electronic muscle massagers”.

These devices essentially use low-level, adjustable electronic stimulation to creating muscle contractions. In the medical field, they are used as tools to help alleviate pain, promote blood circulation and encourage healing.

 

What I do now is call a command at the same time I bump the collar remote, give Ruby a treat when she responds, and praise the hell out of her.

She stays on command until I say, “Break.”

Sounds simple enough for an old Bulldog to execute.

 

Human Training Made Easy

I have a conversation with my dog that goes like this:

Me: Ruby come.

Collar: Buzzt.

Ruby comes to me and I give her a reward treat. And a load of praise. I’m getting better at that part.

Eventually she will come on command without the collar or treats. That’s the goal.

She’ll walk beside me off leash, run the beach and not run away, and be the envy of all other dogs.

And I’ll look like I know all about dog communication. That’s relationship gold right there.

The key element is helping a good girl be a better girl.

Once that happens I’ll have better rapport with wife and dog. We’ll all be more certain of things on a walk together, or with the dog by herself.

That’s a win-win.

Then I see a picture that makes me wonder how she’s doing:

Dog: Doing great. Now leave me alone and let me sleep on the couch. Or give me a buzz and a snack. You have the snack pouch, don’t you?

Me: Okay, boomer dog. I’ll be right over here.

Dog: How about a snack to show you care? One of those high value snacks, not the kibble you try to pass off as snacks.

Me: Like you can tell the difference.

Dog: Remember when you gave your wife a dog snack that looked like an Oreo?

Me: I didn’t give it to her. It was in the snack bag you got at pet store training graduation.

Dog: She ate my snack. That’s not a good girl.

Me: Let’s keep that between us.

Dog: What about my snack. You forgot? Maybe someone else needs a collar?

Me: I’ll be right back.

Dog: Who’s a good boy.

Wife: Who are you talking to?

Dog: She doesn’t get it. Yet.

Me: Why don’t we show her the moves?

Dog: Let’s dance, bitch.

Me: You can’t say bitch.

Wife: Stop shit-talking the dog.

Dog: Now look what you’ve done.

 

Again for the youths out there: Human Training is a process, an ongoing class where people drop out, or proceed.

Sometimes the dropout comes stamped with an Ivy League pedigree to confuse others about being a dropout.

They say: “Education is overrated, college is a scam, high schools are producing idiots like you fucking morons,” to huge applause and standing ovation.

Sometimes those who continue look more like dropouts until you talk to them, until you make an effort.

That’s when you’ll hear them talk about better relations between people, a better effort for a more peaceful world; you’ll hear about the need to ease the gnawing hunger of isolation and loneliness.

Human Training: How do we learn to get along better?

Dog Training: Start with those snacks.

Me: But that’s just bribery.

Dog: It’s a start. Now who’s a good boy. Jump up. I’ll be right here.