LIVE BETTER? IT STARTS AT HOME

I want to live better. So do you.

We just don’t say it out loud.

Why?

Because everyone wants to live better, they just don’t want to do the work.

And if they do the work, they get it wrong.

For example:

After a beautiful day outside with a group of caring people we all agreed it was wonderful.

But my wife and I woke up to a problem that had been festering.

(Festering problems are the worst.)

Yesterday it was my honor and joy seeing young people enjoy a place with so much love.

From the scent of roses in the air, to their vibrant colors, to a beautiful cityscape in the background, add people living it up for the complete picture.

At first the flower people were strangers reveling in the same beauty I was.

Then I saw my people walking above in the parking lot, turned around and saw more of my people with coffee at the bench.

The plans came together? Yes they did.

Grandma, Granddad, two sons, two daughters’ in-law, two dogs, one toddler, one with a due date, all together.

It was a great plan at the beginning that only got better.

The Day After Rookie Mistake

What do you do when someone says “Don’t buy me any presents for my birthday, I just want your time?”

As a marriage expert for the past thirty seven years, I say ignore the request and give a present.

Not this time. This time I honored the request of no presents and no present I gave. Just my time.

“You didn’t give me a present.”

“You said no presents.”

“I didn’t mean you.”

And so my friends I started off Sunday behind on the marriage scorecard, but still married.

I needed to live better.

To make up for my rookie mistake, yet not look like a suck-up by finding a throw-away gift to settle things down, to calm things down, I devised a plan.

The big part of the plan was not saying “Settle down,” or “Calm down.”

I could see hurt feelings like a hand in front of my face.

Even though I did what was asked, it was wrong.

Don’t act like that’s something new.

Make Up Plan To Live Better On Sunday

After Saturday in the Portland Rose Garden, I planned on Sunday in my rose garden.

To make amends without groveling I’d go on a yard binge and put everything in its summer shape.

First I made an announcement:

“I’m going to finish writing, go the the gym and practice lifting so I can rep 70 lb dumbbells on my 70th birthday. Then I’m practicing guitar, taking a sauna, walking the dog, washing the cars, and working on the yard.”

But I added something special.

“Then I’m going to move some roses around for a better view. I hope I get it right.”

“You’re going to do what?”

“I’m going to lay rose vines over the huge shrubbery like we talked about. After you go to the store for hard seltzer you can help if you want to.”

“Seltzer? Where?”

“At the gas station at then bottom of the hill. I’ll wait until you get back before I start on the roses. They look so pretty but we can’t see them.”

“Okay, but wait until I get back.”

Men, if you screw up but don’t think you did? You screwed up.

Make the correction by planning activities you and your wife could do together, but she usually doesn’t.

After that, add one extra she’s wanted to do for months. The roses.

Extra credit if your wife complains that you drink too much too often, and she still makes the beer run.

All-Star Wife credit if she cracks a White Claw lemonade, likes it, and asks you to leave an extra for her.

The married math: 2 for her, 4 for you.

Be Inclusive For Best Outcome

When you correct your errors, choose activities you and your wife could do together but don’t.

You shouldn’t need to explain, but if you do it goes like this:

“My plans for the day are things we could do together. Or not.

It’s not like plans you make that don’t include me, like spending time with your girlfriends shopping, or lunching, having tea, catching up.”

“You don’t want to go with me and my girlfriends in the first place.”

“That’s not the point. You could ask. With my plan you could just join in. How’s that seltzer.”

“Better than I expected. Really good.”

“Let’s finish this one and get after the roses.”

“You need a long sleeved shirt and pants or they’ll slice you up.”

“I’m not afraid of no roses.”

“You’re going to bleed.”

“Not this time,” as I pulled out a boat-hook with a perfect tip for moving tangled rose vines.

“That looks like it should do the job.”

“With us helping. I’m heading over. Would you bring another seltzer for me.”

Live Better By Drinking More Booze?

The real message I’m sending out is to pay attention.

Failing that task, be useful and see if your wife pays attention.

Take a walk around the yard with a pair of clippers and ask her to point out things to cut.

If she points to a large bushes and says something like, “When you bring out the equipment, gives this a trim.”

Dive into it with your garden scissors and go at it. Wear good gloves, a hat, and start dropping limbs.

“Honey, if you want to cut stuff go ahead and leave it on the ground and I’ll pick it up later.”

In most cases these are the winning words.

Then something else happens:

The gentle Oregon summer breeze hits just right, you feel a warm glow when the sun comes out from behind a cloud and everything lights up in brilliant colors.

You look around at the work you’ve done and realize:

But don’t go into your happy dance just yet. There’s still more to do.

“Dinner is almost ready. When are you coming in?”

“I’ve got a few things left and I’ll be in.”

Those things are mowing the yard with a push mower making piles of the stuff you cut.

The key is to keep going until the last seltzer is down, but that’s not the part you say out loud.

Cheers to you and keep working it out to live better.