WEIGHT LOSS: DOES MY MAN MUU MUU MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

Weight loss is a cruel joke on December 23rd.

Christmas cookies, Christmas candy, Christmas cake and pie?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Eat it or risk hurting someone’s feelings.

Eat it and say you liked it.

After a few weeks of gorging you want to change things up?

Late one night you make one last pass at the refrigerator and see milk and bread.

Toast the bread, warm the milk, add butter and sugar.

Those are the ingredients of ‘graveyard stew’, or ‘milk toast.’

Eat a bowl of that so you can wake up with fat guilt:

‘Why did I eat so much so late?’

‘My feet hurt.’

‘That’s the last time.’

Then you realize the only time you won’t overeat is when there’s no food.

Early Weight Loss Demands

To play in the backfield in junior high football you had to be under a certain weight.

Coach Peasley asked me to lose weight.

I chose to play on the line.

It could have been a life changing moment.

Junior year of high school my wrestling coach asked me to lose weight down to 165.

I made weight and got stomped.

A year later at 191 I won a district championship, a state greco title, and all-America honors for third place in the nation.

Did I learn anything? Of course not.

First year of college wrestling there was a varsity opening at 177. Since the 190 pound guy got third in the nation year earlier, I dropped and got stomped.

A year after that I joined the Army and tried out for the All Army Team.

They had a spot at 180 so I dropped down and got stomped.

Maybe losing weight to compete wasn’t my deal?

The weird thing was I stayed around 180 for the next ten years.

180, 280, Whatever

I got married, had kids, and perfected, “Are you going to eat that,” along with, “Don’t throw it away.”

It was great until I realized I had become a stereotype of former athletes going to seed.

But I was a happy fat man. For a while.

Then health issues started popping up, just not for me, but I felt it coming.

So I dropped a few pounds to NFL linebacker size, around 6’3″ and 245.

I joined a gym and got stronger than ever, so I wasn’t just a fat man, I was a strong fat man.

Then I got tagged hard.

Chemo and radiation for a neck cancer tumor helped me drop weight, but not before the doctor said:

“You need to add weight for the treatment. If your weight falls below our threshold we will be forced to halt treatment.”

What I heard was, “Eat like a horse or die.”

I plowed through breakfast, lunch, and dinner along with snacks ands drinks like a pro.

Then, one day with a huge omelette in front of me at a table of friends and family, it all caught up.

I’d started treatment with no feeding tube and just enough grit to avoid any extra holes.

The omelette tasted like it had been poisoned. I looked around and no one else acted like anything was wrong.

It was me, and that was the last good meal I had for the next two months or so.

I’d gone from 280-something to 245, then popped up to 265-ish.

My last weight check came in at 195. I thought I was dying.

What I was was severely dehydrated.

Treatment ended, cancer fucking died, and I nibbled on weed brownies on my way back.

2

If you struggle with weight control, think of exercise and fitness instead of a fat focus.

Know that it takes a long time to get fat and sloshy, and it will take a good while to take it off.

Instead of surgical solutions like fat sucking, stomach stapling, and by-pass, use your good sense.

Nothing drastic, just a little less at each feeding. Treat yourself like a farm animal and restrict caloric intake.

I made weight the wrong way with binge and purge, then chemo and radiation.

If that’s your plan, go for surgical solutions.

Getting down is one thing.

Staying down is a whole ‘nother ball game.

It’s a game you can win, and even better, it’s a win to share.

And you’ll make new friends along the way: