BIRTHDAY WEEK? DIFFERENT THAN DOG YEARS?

Does birthday week add extra years? A seven day celebration adds seven extra years?

Maybe it should to discourage people from extending the party. At least until it’s your birthday. Or mine.

Unfortunately, since we don’t get to erase a year for every ignored birthday, adding years never happens either.

But what does happen is timeless with certain people. Turns out I’m one of them.

And it wasn’t my birthday.

Confession: I’ve never cooked a batch of pork ribs that tasted anything like ribs from a good place.

That was going to change, eventually. Why not on the last day of birthday week?

The timeless part of wife birthdays are the people involved. One day it’s old friends gathering together, with even older friends on the schedule for later.

The next day it’s the husband’s chance to step up. That means breaking out the red “You Are Special” plate. Everyone has one, right? And hanging the HAPPY BIRTHDAY logo over the window.

It’s important to do this on the second day if the first is Friend Day.

“Why didn’t you bring this out on my real birthday?”

“Because I knew your friends would do it. They did, didn’t they?”

“No.”

“Welcome back, honey. See, you are special.”

Don’t Forget A Birthday Present

Start slow on the birthday presents and build to a climax. It’s supposed to be fun.

The regular choice is roses on the piano, or tulips on the organ. Go with tulips every time.

If you want roses, give her a plant for the yard and get roses every year.

What has the birthday girl been watching on TV? Buy a related book and put in a bag under a magazine on the bedside table and see how long it takes her to find it. No cheating.

I cheated and told here where it was.

If you have a big present, even if it’s something you both agreed on, save it for the last day, whatever time that comes.

That time came yesterday. Here’s the deal:

You’ve heard of massage guns? The hand held battery powered muscle pounder that’s the massager everyone’s been waiting for?

They come in a wide range of cost, power, and delivery.

I consulted experts (kids) and made an informed decision. With that done I went to the manufacturer’s website and started placing an order. I wanted to avoid Amazon.

But the site also posted an extra warning about delayed deliver due to covid19 and asked for patience.

That’s when I abandoned my good intentions and went to amazon. I found the same massage gun at a Prime price with a definite delivery date and caved.

The massage gun even arrived a day early. For all of the harsh news from amazon workers, they do the best job getting things out. I needed to massage my brain with that news.

Pork Rib Birthday Week Competition

The recipe was called Competition Ribs and the first thing was the ribs.

Costco ribs? Safeway ribs? New Season’s ribs? No, no, and no.

Cash and Carry ribs? Yes. The meat room in Cash and Carry is huge.

Not ribs:

Not ribs:

Not ribs:

I asked the Cash and Carry guy if their ribs were better than Costco.

“Way better.”

Where do they come from?

“Iowa.”

Sold. Since I was going to Costco and Safeway anyway I checked them out. Cash and Carry was king of the ribs.

Traeger Competition Style Ribs Recipe

This was my shot at rib heaven:

When ready to cook, set Traeger temperature to 225℉ and preheat, lid closed for 15 minutes. For optimal flavor, use Super Smoke if available.

I was ready. Today was the day. (Yesterday)

Remove membrane from back of ribs. Season with Traeger Pork & Poultry Rub on all sides. Let ribs rest for 15 to 20 minutes.

This was unsettling. Start handling ribs and questions arise. Which part of the pig did the ribs come from? How many kinds of ribs are there?

Place ribs on the grill, bone-side down and cook for 3 hours. While ribs are cooking, prepare the brown sugar wrap. Spread (approximately the same size as the rack of ribs) half the brown sugar, half the butter and half the agave on top of a double layer of aluminum foil. Repeat for second rack.

I had three racks of loin ribs, ten pounds in all. It seemed like a lot. It was a lot.

After 3 hours, place one rack of ribs meat side down in the brown sugar, butter and agave, and wrap. Repeat with second rack. Turn grill up to 250℉ and place wrapped ribs, meat side down in grill.

This is usually where I bail and call it done. Not this time.

Cook for another 1-1/2 hours and check the internal temperature. Desired temperature is 204℉ to 205℉. If not at temperature, cook for an additional 30 minutes until temperature is reached.

The time takes patience.

Remove ribs from the grill and foil packet. Place unwrapped ribs back in the grill for an additional 10 minutes. Remove from grill and sauce the meat and bone side with Traeger Sweet & Heat BBQ Sauce and cook for another 10 minutes. Slice ribs and serve. Enjoy!

What Could Go Wrong

This is the recipe I should have followed:

Looking for fast and simple? Make these baby backs your new go-to recipe. All you need is a fresh rack, salt, pepper and a little hickory smoke to achieve some serious meat sweats.

Last night was the big Birthday Week dinner for six. It was a delicious hog-fest. But it was short lived.

This morning was the weigh-in for a month long weight loss quest.

One of the six lost the most weight, one gained the most. I forgot about the date.

This morning I got up early, drank lots of water, coffee, and a huge bowl of chili and chicken.

Then weighed in.

Was I cheated? A rigged weigh-in? Did I lodge a protest?

No, just a lack of discipline at the finish line.

There’s still work to do after jumping from 225 lbs to 233 lbs.

220 on the way. Don’t believe it?

Fight me on birthday week.