COMPETITION QUESTIONS FOR THE NON-COMPETITIVE

Competition questions start before you realize there’s even a competition happening.

One of my favorites: “Do you even lift, bro?”

It’s usually asked by a mid-forties man in a workout costume. It’s completed by an undershirt that looks like something out of a lady’s drawer.

When it’s a question asked by a guy with greased up rogaine hair dyed an unnatural black, he doesn’t expect an answer, so relax.

They ask competitive questions to impress their kid and his friends. He’s got dad strength, or old man strength, or coming off a cycle or ‘roids.

All the kids want to be ‘that guy.’ He’s stronger than them.

All you need to do is smile and nod your head. After chugging enough pre-lift caffeine to float a Starbucks coffee shop, he’s nodding like a woodpecker on a new tree.

The wrong response could turn gym-rat into something else: ‘Wants To Fight Guy.’

If he’s divorced, he’s ready to fight. Married guy is ready to fight too. Anything to show he’s not middle-aged and slipping.

But, he is, so play along.

When my kids lived at home during their school days we talked about grades

Me: Do you know who the smart kids are in class?

Kid: No, what’s it matter?

Me: You’ll know who they are when they hire their classmates.

Kid: That’s dumb.

Me: You’re hired.

Kid: What are you talking about?

Competition Questions Not To Ask

“Have you lost weight? It looks like you lost weight. How did you do it? Nothing works for me. Would you like another cookie?”

There’s a joke that went around:

A crossfit fan and a vegan walk into the room. Who is the first to corner you and explain everything you never asked about either one?

Fan is short for fanatic. It’s better than being a loon, short for lunatic? Fan sounds better.

A woman checked in at an airline counter.

Clerk: It looks like you’re lost weight since this picture was taken.

Woman: Cancer does that to a person.

Clerk: I’m so sorry.

Woman: It’s okay. I bought all new clothes to fit my new normal. Never looked or felt better.

Cancer is not a weight loss program. This is a weight loss program.

Are You Trying Your Hardest?

Does hearing that make you try harder? I don’t think so.

It works best in another tense, like: Did you try your hardest?

Looking back after finishing something, you could have always tried harder. Yet, in the middle of the action or event, it’s hard to imagine trying any harder.

I turned out for the school track team in junior high, or now middle school. I didn’t jump very high, or run very fast. As kids we were expected to participate in sports.

Steve Prefontaine, the greatest track man in local history, laid the groundwork.

I ran the long race. Not a mile, or four laps around the track, but three. Like Pre, I was a grinder without a kick. I lost every race and it was never close. Dead last. Very humbling. I wanted to quit, but family rules said no quitting what you start.

Did I try my hardest while watching the pack pull away? Knowing I’d never catch up. Again? Looking back, I could have tried harder. In the moment I knew I didn’t have what it took. I wanted to do better, but how? Run harder? I’m running, I’m running.

What’s it going to take?

Champions Answer Competition Questions

Two Olympic runners were interviewed separately after a race.

Runner 1: Winning and losing doesn’t matter to me. I embrace the competition.

Runner 2: He said winning and losing wasn’t important? Is that why he spit in my face all the last lap when I tried to pass?

Winners say nice things after they crush the field. Even in a close outcome, like swimmers winning by .001 seconds. That’s a gold medal stomp down on the podium and for ever after.

Muhammad Ali had a warning for all of his opponents. They were facing ‘The Greatest.’ And knew it. Then they felt bad in Ali’s later years for beating the crap out of him. Looking at you, Larry Holmes.

Why is Ali a good example? He said he knew he was the greatest before he proved it.

“Every man gets knocked down. That’s the name of the game. It’s what happens after you get up that tells who you are.”

Is this a good thought to hold after the pandemic year of covid quarantine and lockdown?

Why don’t you tell me, champ.

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