SELF CONTROL INTERVIEW BEFORE ASSAULT RIFLE PURCHASE

 

What do we need to know before another assault rifle purchase?

 

In the short days before the next mass shooting, gun shops need to start an interview process for those making their first assault rifle purchase.

 

Besides the usual questions on the background check and ATF Form 4473, add a short interview conducted by a panel of former Drill Sergeants and Drill Instructors.

 

During the interview the panel will ask specific questions with a specific goal, the same goal they had for everyone they trained: are you a safe risk with a rifle?

 

When you join the Army, when you sign on the line, they don’t hand you a machine gun and point you in a general direction to go cook a few clips. They want to know a few things about you first.

 

Then you get your M16, or today’s M4. Even if you check out well enough to make it to the range, you still have to qualify. And you’re watched like a hawk by the Range Masters.

 

Civilians buying an AR-15 don’t receive the same scrutiny.

 

Form 4473 gets to the point, but we need more.

 

 

11.a. Are you the actual transferee/buyer of the firearm(s) listed on this form? Warning: You are not the actual buyer if you are acquiring the firearm(s) on behalf of another person. If you are not the actual buyer, the dealer cannot transfer the firearm(s) to you.

b. Are you under indictment or information in any court for a felony, or any other crime, for which the judge could imprison you for more than one year?

c. Have you ever been convicted in any court of a felony, or any other crime, for which the judge could have imprisoned you for more than one year, even if you received a shorter sentence including probation?

d. Are you a fugitive from justice?

e. Are you an unlawful user of, or addicted to, marijuana or any depressant, stimulant, narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance?

f. Have you ever been adjudicated mentally defective (which includes a determination by a court, board, commission, or other lawful authority that you are a danger to yourself or to others or are incompetent to manage you own affairs) OR have you ever been committed to a mental institution?

g. Have you been discharged from the Armed Forces under dishonorable conditions?

h. Are you subject to a court order restraining you from harassing, stalking, or threatening your child or an intimate partner or child of such partner’?

i. Have you ever been convicted in any court of a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence?

j. Have you ever renounced your United States citizenship?

k. Are you an alien illegally in the United States?

l. Are you a nonimmigrant alien?

 

What more is needed after these sort of prying questions before buying an assault rifle?

 

 

Call it old school if you must, but a handshake and a face to face talk is still the most direct communication. You hear things, you see things, and most important you feel things. We like feelings.

 

The interested AR-15 buyer pays the money, fills out the forms, waits the time before picking up their assault weapon/deer rifle.

 

The newly proposed guidelines include an extra step: an assault rifle interview.

 

You got to the store to pick up your new gun. You see it standing behind the counter in a box. It’s right there. You can almost feel it in your hands.

 

You want it, it wants you. But first, the interview.

 

A nice man invites you to a conference room with two other people. You shake hands all around. Coffee and cookies sit in the middle of the conference table.

 

While you sign a non-disclosure form about the interview, one of the people pours you a cup of coffee and slides a cookie your way. While they wait for you, the interviewers talk about guns in general, your new gun in particular.

 

You finish reading the ND, sign off, and settle in for a nice interview in a nice room with three walls painted off white, one a darker tan.

 

 

You smile when one of them asks if you’d like anything in your coffee. They explode before you answer.

 

“How’d you like shit in your coffee? Then you can stir it with the barrel of your new toy. What makes me believe you deserve an AR-15, that we can trust you with such a weapon?”

 

Before you answer another interviewer jumps up and sweeps your coffee off the table, the cup breaking on the tan wall, coffee splashing the same color.

 

“This is a messy weapon, son. Do you know how messy? You leave messes with it where ever you go. Someone cleans it up. They might clean you up. Do you understand? You might be in the mess these things leave behind. Then who cleans things up? Not you, because you’re dead.”

 

Another interviewer stands and crushes the cookies on the table with a hammer blow.

 

“Are you ready to use this tool? Are you ready to shoot this weapon? If you’re not you might get everyone in your house killed if the wrong man takes it away from you. But you’re big and strong and fire first. Can you accept the death of your neighbor when you fire through your window and in their window and into their chest? Are you ready to go to the funeral of someone you accidentally killed? Are you?”

 

The first assault rifle interviewer stands up.

 

“This is not a toy. Not a trophy. This is a life changing weapon for the lives it saves and the lives it takes. Whose life do you plan on taking when you leave this room? Who are you ready to kill. Answer me. Is it your momma? You off to kill your daddy? Maybe your bad boss, or the work crew who thinks you’re screwier than rotten deck wood? Are you screwy? Is there something wrong with you? Let’s nail it down right now. You want an AR-15 because you’ve got a problem. Your feelings are hurt? Someone said something, now you need an assault rifle. Let me break the news, you need balls before you need one of these. Balls. The sort of balls you take off and hide until no one is around, then you pull them out, attach them, and play with your new rifle. That’s what you’ll do, isn’t it. Tell me it is. Tell me.”

 

The second assault rifle interviewer takes over.

 

“What about the lives you plan on saving? That is the plan, isn’t it. Saving lives. No one will step out of line on your watch, right? Everyone thinks they have a ‘watch.’ They won’t join the service and stand watch, but they’re ready to serve and protect as long as no one yells at them. Would your delicate petals bruise if someone yelled at you? Another name for the AR-15 is the Yelling Stick. It does a lot of talking, loud talk. So loud you’ll be afraid of it. Are you afraid now? Afraid of your new toy? You ought to be. You don’t look like you could tell your ass from your elbow. Well, I can’t either. You must have been born without arms because all I see is ass in front of me. All Ass. Is that what your momma says when she sees you?”

 

The third interviewer brings it down the homestretch for the assault rifle buyer.

 

“Veterans know these weapons, son. They’ve spent more time with these than most of them spent with their first wives. Do you think you’ll spend that sort of time getting ready for you own little D-Day army play? Is that your idea, play time with big boy toys? Big boy likes toys? You’ve got a boat, a lifted 4X4, a Harley, now an AR-15? Have you already got your gun tattoo? I’ll tell you now, this isn’t a cure for erectile dysfunction. You can spew lead out of the barrel, but it won’t put any lead in your pencil. No scientific evidence has ever shown an AR-15 as an effective pecker stretcher. You want to believe it will, but it won’t. The only thing this was built for was altering the timeline on people’s lives. Maybe your life. Are you ready to die? Do you want to die? Answer me. Look me in the face and tell me you’re ready to die for an AR-15. Do it.”

 

The presumptive owner leaves the room and the three interviewers discuss his case.

 

Was his composure good? Did he show an odd twitch? Were his emotions in check?

 

Every veteran, and active duty member, of the Armed Forces has had the interview. Every man and woman in uniform who have been to the firing line on a military rifle range have had the interview.

 

It’s time all new prospective assault rifle fans, AR-15 owners, got the same interview.

 

It’s time to bring in current owners for their interview.

 

If they refuse, or can’t take it, they forfeit their weapons. They get a refund, or choose from another selection of self defense weapons. Starting with a bag of rocks.