WELCOME MAT: THERE’S MORE THAN ONE

Welcome mat? What it means:

It means you’re welcome at that particular door.

But you knew that.

It also means it’s up to you to stay welcome.

This might be new territory for some of you.

I grew up with a fearsome Mom. Not ‘awesome’ fearsome, or ‘run for your life’ fearsome, but somewhere in between.

She was a powerhouse who pushed the family, literally a powerhouse at 5’10 and a solid 220. And she could move.

She married her high school honey after her first year of college. The love birds wrote letters to each other after he joined the local boys and enlisted in the Marine Corps.

They kept up their correspondence through his combat tour of Korea and married after he got his third stripe and qualified for better living quarters, a better side of a quonset hut.

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Those two were the authority, the judge, the jury, the executioner, for their flock of shit-birds.

We didn’t work very hard to make them like us as much as stay out of their way.

For that, we behaved accordingly.

No one wanted angry Mom called to school from her DMV desk to straighten out a misbehaving kid instead of cracking the code on fraudulent vehicle registrations.

Their welcome mat was out but different after she changed the lock on her front door.

The old man’s key didn’t work anymore.

I met the new man.

He was a good man, the right man for my Mom.

But different. I was in my mid-twenties, two years out of the Army spent in English classes before dropping out to move back to the east coast and get married.

My wedding date was the same day my Mom’s divorce went final. I learned that before leaving town.

If that was a bad omen for me, it worked.

Welcome Mat With A Twist

I met a buddy one night with plans to go to a party at his boss’s house.

This is before I was married, but a night that gave me thoughts on marriage.

The boss’s house was a high ceilinged McMansion in a hillside sub-division full of furniture you see on furniture rental ads.

Everything matched. Even the framed work on the walls fit the ‘pleather’ recliner decor.

The men were dressed in a cross between business casual and golf, the women in various stages of too sexy for themselves.

It was a party for connections, for new starts.

The couple by the window hadn’t heard about it.

Her: You said you love your cat more than me.

Him: I do.

Her: You can’t love a cat more than me.

Him: It’s not just any cat. I’ve known this cat longer than I’ve known you.

Her: Now I’m competing with your cat? It’s a cat.

Him: And you can’t compete.

Her: I shouldn’t have to. You can’t love your cat more than me if you really love me.

Him: And my cat.

Her: Me. Love me.

Him: Cat.

Her. MEEEEEEEE GODDAMMITFUCKYOUMYFRIENDSWERERIGHT.

Him: I’m leaving. Good to see everyone.

Her: Because you miss your cat. Then leave.

My Buddy: She may need to talk about this later.

Me: Do you know her?

Buddy: I don’t have a cat, so I’m already ahead.

Me: You have a cat.

Buddy: Not one I’m talking about.

Baggage? Everyone’s Got It

The trick to dealing with personal baggage is the same as airport regulations: There’s a weight limit.

Pack too light and you run out of stuff you need; pack too heavy and you pay the price.

One way around this is wearing four layers of clothes at check-in to get your bag under the limit without throwing stuff away.

Another is knowing what you need and packing with care.

Every situation doesn’t require an everything everywhere all at once response, or action.

Worried sick about what might happen, could happen, did happen once in the ’70’s is too much.

I’m telling you this as someone who experienced ‘heart break syndrome.’

After one of the best weekends imaginable, including a farewell, family, and the embrace of loved ones, I remember thinking: “Now I can die happy.”

It’s a common saying heard from healthy people and it’s funny. I’ve said it before and it felt funny. Not so much this time.

Some people come in layer after layer like a delicate delivery.

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Only some people come in layers? No, all of us. And that’s our welcome mat.

From big to small, or small to big, where do you start? Where do you stop? Who does the unpacking?

That’s the answer we work toward.

It’s work worth doing.

Are you up to it? Yes you are. I can tell these things from here.

Roll out the welcome mat of your choice.

Will it be the right one? Yes, if it’s your choice.

Make it the right one for the right people. You can’t go wrong with a welcome mat.