VICTIM DEFAULT AND YOU’RE ALWAYS THE ONE?

Victim default: “There you go again.”

Or: “When did passive-aggressive wake up?”

My favorite: “That mood swing make you dizzy?”

If you want a professional opinion who do you ask?

A professional, of course.

You can talk your way out:

“It was my fault.”

“What?”

“It was my fault.”

“What is it this time? You know, you’re starting to sound like a twelve-stepper looking for things to take responsibility for. You ought to have a victim default.”

“The gum. The pack I left in my pants that you didn’t check before putting them in the washer and dryer.”

“Do you mean the pack that melted all over the other clothes and all over the dryer and won’t come off.”

“It’ll come off.”

“The gum you said I missed because I didn’t check your pockets like you’re a fourth grader?”

“If you checked my pockets in forth grade you’d have found a snake.”

“Sounds more like high school pockets.”

“Your college pockets.”

“Or your Burgess pockets.”

“Lucky for you.”

You can do your way out:

“I’ll clean it up.”

“No, I broke it so I’ll clean it up.”

“I set it too close to the edge. I’ve got it.”

“It was my elbow that pushed it, so I’ve got it.”

“I know. It was my favorite glass.”

“So now it’s your favorite? I’ve never heard that before.”

“It was my grandmother’s special wine glass handed down to my mother, then me.”

“But none of you drink wine. You’re a beer guy.”

“Beer in a wine glass guy. But not anymore. I’ll clean it up. This is the last time I’ll ever see it.”

“I had no idea you felt this way, that you had feelings for a wine glass.”

“Lots of feelings going around these days. Big feelings. Can we be honest?”

“Weren’t we being honest?”

“That’s not my grandma’s wine glass.”

“You thought I didn’t know? We bought that at Fred Meyer.”

“It was Target. I’m prepping in case you break my favorite beer mug.”

“Your favorite beer mug is the OJ special down at Tapphoria. How could I break that?”

“I mean the tall glass set from Christmas with the cool decorations and sayings.”

“The designs all disappeared in the dishwasher.”

“That’s okay, I still like them. So go ahead.”

“Go ahead and what?”

“Clean up this broken glass mess. I could cut my foot.”

“No victim default there.”

“Your welcome.”