TIGARD POLICE EVENT: HOW NOT TO GET SHOT

via DG Studios

I got the wife phone call you never want to get.

No, not the one where she’s run off to Spain with a gypsy king, or discovered her true self with a Starbucks soothsayer.

This phone call:

“David, I see nine police cars in front of our house and parked in our driveway. You need to come home.”

Which I did. Here’s what happened.

When I turned the corner before my street and saw Tigard police cars I turned the other way.

Instead of driving into their operation I went around the block, parked, and walked up. Slowly.

I took a few pictures, talked to a policeman who happened to be part of the K9 unit, and petted his dog.

Then they all left.

Here’s what didn’t happen:

I didn’t break out my pocket Bill of Rights and demand a hearing of the U.S. Constitution.

Freedom of Speech didn’t enter my mind. Freedom to listen did.

My right to bear arms felt insignificant in the protective shield of nine city and county police vehicles loaded for police work.

In general, when you see an array of official cars, and it’s not the Tigard police parking lot, keep a distance.

Unless it’s your house, and your wife called.

That trumps all.

The greatest men’s right in America is obeying our wives, especially when given the chance to show their authority.

“Un, excuse me officer. I live in that house. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to move your cars. You can’t park in front of the mailboxes. The mailman chewed my wife out for it and she’s been itching to chew someone else out for the same thing.

“You need to move the car away from the fire hydrant, too. A fireman chewed my wife out for the same thing and she’s been looking for a chance to return the favor.

“I’d move them. That’s just my advice. You don’t want her coming out here. She’ll start with you, move to your boss, then the mayor, and you’ll probably have to cuff her and put in a cruiser in under ten minutes.

“You don’t want that, I don’t want that, but she’s been spoiling for a fight ever since she started doing the right thing. It’s up to you.”

Any married man hears that warning and makes an effort. They don’t want that. Nobody wants that.

But if you don’t know, you’ll get it.

I witnessed my wife break a man once. A friend of mine and I had a beer at the corner bar. We went a little later than expected, so I had him go into my house first.

I was a married father of one, he was a pal from my single days.

The wife laid into him for leading me astray. Me a married father of one, and him, an unmarried father of nothing who’s got nothing to lose.

Me, with wife and kids and trying to make a better life for everyone; and him, a drunk loser waiting for some dazed harpy to fall in his lap.

He saw the transformation of a playful kitty with an easy laugh to momma lion ready to rip the guts out of any perceived threat to her world and those in it.

Explaining to the policeman about the real power, wife power, might be a good idea. Might not.

What do you think?

While you consider your options during a Tigard Police operation in front of your house, take time to pet the dog.

Baxter and BoomerPdx. via DG Studios