SPEAKING UP? TRY DOING IT IN A CIVIL CONVERSATION

Speaking up, just the idea of joining a conversation, comes with warnings and red flags.

If you have an opinion to share, please do. What’s worse than a closed mouth ready to burst?

I have one request of new voices raised up: know what you’re talking about, then cut loose.

This is the root of the speaking up problem: getting in at the wrong time.

If your opinion is one shared by other media, try and avoid the attack dog snarl delivery. The less angry faced screaming about the talking points addressed by people more informed than you, the better.

Another piece of advice: Start local. For example, start at home.

Have you ever had a delicious dinner and put leftovers in the fridge for another day? Of course you have. Even for an average dinner, an extra day brings out more flavor.

You look forward to leftovers right up until you discover they’ve been eaten before you could get at them. So frustrating, am I right?

Avoid disappointment by saying this in a clear, strong, voice: “I’m saving the steamed vegetables from the Thai place for later. Please don’t eat it all, but share a little.”

Problem solved, until the one you didn’t say that to swoops in like a big pelican and gobbles it all up. You do know that a pelican’s beak holds more than its belly can?

If the tables are turned and you are the pelican, apologize. That’s it, apologize. No need to say something less than civil, like, “I ate because I didn’t want it to spoil.”

Buddy, it was in the refrigerator for one night. It wasn’t going to spoil. Save the excuses and just apologize for being a mass consuming hog. That ought to do it, but it’s not enough.

When Is Speaking Up Enough

The Art of Manliness is full of conversation advice.

Their do’s and don’t’s include:

“Listen more than you talk, come to an occasion armed with topics at the ready, tailor the conversation to the listener, take your turn, and think before you speak.”

Don’t do these:

“Don’t interrupt. Don’t talk to only one person when conversing in a group. Don’t engage in “one-upping.” Don’t overshare.

The common sense approach to conversation depends on familiarity. How well do the people know each other? If they know each other they ignore all of the do’s and don’t’s and speak in a sort of code.

Do these rules apply universally? Even to husbands and wives? That’s a whole other code. Relationships that go the distance have special rules.

Stand up for yourself without trampling the other one.

Speak up for yourself without getting defensive.

Agree to move on and never mention the problem topic ever again as long as you both shall live. Sounds like a new wedding vow speaking up.

Give Each Other A Break

No one wins with, “What’s wrong with you? Get up on the wrong side of the broom?”

The same with, “You would have done the same thing.”

And the big one: “It wasn’t me.”

Avoid the button pushing, the ‘what about’, the finger pointing blame.

Never say: “It’s five thirty in the morning and you already ruined the day. I’m going back to bed.”

You can always take more than you think, more than the other person thinks you can take.

Going back to leftovers in the fridge. If you got up early and popped Thai steamed vegetables in the microwave and scarfed them all down without leaving half of it on your shirt, give yourself a gold star.

That’s just plain old good, healthy, eating.

That you didn’t leave any to share is a separate problem. Apologize once, apologize twice. No need to explain how apologizing non-stop will make the food magically materialize.

Don’t open the fridge to check with each apology. Don’t offer to take a bowl into the bathroom and gag yourself until you puke it all back up. And don’t argue, piggy. You should have left some to share.

Was it a good bowl of veggies? Veggies are always a good choice.

Work on the other choices, like being more aware to share.

Share this post. Do some speaking up.