PROPERTY OWNER FROM THE OTHER SIDE

 

 

What to expect from the property owner process that never ends, changes in the middle, and no light the end of the property owner tunnel to hell.

 

From behind the seductive eyes of a city’s economic development officer:

 

I see the likes of you come in here all day, every day. The smart ones leave with more information than they planned on. That’s my job. I give it, you take it or leave it.

 

Can I tell you how many people just like you come in and tell me how to do my job? All of them. Just like you. A property owner.

 

 

They come in and see a large woman, a plus plus, and I know just what they’re thinking: What do I do when it’s 110 degrees out like today?

 

Look at my face. Do I look cool? I am so cool. Cool like you can’t imagine on the hottest day of the year and I’m still in town working, that cool.

 

Know what I think is cool? That you know I’m cool, the coolest chick in the room. Every time people like you come in I’m the cool one.

 

You’re dying to know what I mean by ‘people like you’ aren’t you? Don’t say you’re not.

 

 

The only people I see in my professional life is the property owner, people like you. Now you know.

 

And you all want to tell me how to do my job. Wanna know something else? I volunteered to be the gatekeeper to help others avoid people like you.

 

Yes, this is America. Yes you own property in America. You’re not alone. But, and the this is the big disconnect, people like me get to tell a property owner like you what to do. And more important, what not to do. And I love it. Not everyone loves it.

 

 

When I give someone information they didn’t expected, and they lose it, they lose big. I’ll tell you why.

 

We are staffed by women just like me to deal with jerks just like you, women who’ve worked for contractors in the field, who know about permits and usage requirements because we did our bosses’ jobs for them. Better than them.

 

This sort of work, the memorization, application, education, demonstration all pays off when property owners come in who think that since they own property, they own the process. We woke them at every challenge.

 

After they see us, they still need to get permits. And we know the permit people like we know our own family. Like family, if you threaten one, you threaten all. Guess who the permit people know like family. Can ya? Inspectors. See where this is going.

 

 

Now I don’t know why you come in so sweet and nice, so respectful and show me the dignity I’ve worked hard to earn, the dignity I deserve in this room, if not every room. I don’t know why you look deep into my eyes when you talk to me.

 

But I like it. Tell others. Be a good property owner.