PROBLEM SOLVER OR TROUBLE MAKER

There are two people you meet over and over, the problem solver and the trouble maker.

There’s a thin line between the two.

Why?

Sometimes it’s the same person.

Then you end up with twice the problems.

I once took a walking tour in Belgium where another tourist wouldn’t shut up.

They heckled the tour guide, interrupted, corrected.

So I did the tour a favor and heckled the heckler into silence.

At least I tried, but he had so many comebacks it was hilarious.

We heckled each other in Belgium, and picked up again in London when we went out to dinner in a group.

It was the heckler and his wife, his buddy and his wife, and me and my wife.

The men were a good ten years older than me.

They said they were retired, that their last big job was in finance in Eastern Europe after the Iron Curtain fell.

How do you say you’re a gangster without saying you’re a gangster?

The heckler’s buddy used to be a somebody in Poland and seemed disappointed that I wasn’t pure-bred like him, but just another American mutt.

Either he was a trouble maker looking for a fight, or I must have looked like royalty?

 

Love Equation: 1 + 1 = 1

When you join a group, or get married, you have expectations.

Like, you have certain things in common with a group.

If it’s a class about story telling, and how to tell your story, it’s pretty obvious to the outsider.

People sign up to learn how to tell their story.

They don’t sign up to hear one of the students over-talk with their insights into the literary echoes and references in every story.

If I didn’t I know that going in, I do now.

Not every story needs the toast, or the butter and jam. Or a problem solver.

The stories in class already have it all.

The story I’m waiting on is the aspiring standup comedy routine of ‘Finding Mr. Right.’

As the unlikely Mr. Right for my wife, I know certain things I can’t wait to share.

What’s better than a Lance Romance story from the other side?

The funny questions I want answered?

 

How long does it take to tell the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong?

How long for the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now?

Can Mr. Wrong ever get better?

Will Mr. Right Now ever  change?

I hope hilarity ensues.

 

Problem Solver In The House

In my early dating life I was attracted to short-term women, the ones with a plan.

If their main plan was moving out of town sooner than later, hey, let’s go out.

Then breaking up was never a problem.

“Did you and Mary Jane break up?”

“No, she moved.”

 

Here, experts explain some of the signs that indicate it may be time to let go:

 

Instead of all the emotional complications of needs being met, family support, and obligations?

“They moved for their job, or school, or back home. No break up.”

Is the short-timer funnier than the clinger, the guy who can’t understand what ‘we’re over’ means?

“We can’t be over. What did I do? Tell me what I did?”

The answer: Not enough. Or, too much.

Either way, done is done.

What is too much?

“I remembered your birthday, met your family; I was nice to your friends. I even met your old boyfriend with no problem.”

This is a guy with no problems to solve, so why would any problem solving woman date him?

Now, if he were a trouble maker his date would have a project to manage.

This is what to keep away from when you meet my family.

A few of my friends are different, so don’t stare.

My old boyfriend may try something, but don’t let him bother you.

 

People need to nurture, moms, dads, cat people, dog people. Plant people.

My wife explained it:

Wife: Women my age need to nurture. So we’re getting a dog.

Turns out women her age need to nurture a dog as well as a husband with the dog.

After three rounds of puppy class with me, she’s still not convinced the dog will learn better if we use the same vocabulary and teaching approach.

In other words, the same nurturing strategy.

My solution?

I agree with whatever she says since the dog isn’t leaving town anytime soon.