PORTLAND PANSIES ON A GOOD DAY

Or How To Help The Blazers Tonight

The first rule of Portland pansies is you don’t talk about Portland pansies.

No one wants to be compared to pansies past or future, especially the Portland Trail Blazers in an elimination game in the Western Conference Finals.

To put them over the top I fulfilled the necessary requirements.

First, I washed the loser funk out of my Brandon Roy shirt after changing my mind about recycling it.

The shirt makes a comeback, so will the Blazers.

Next, I bought a new shirt, a McCollum T for good luck, and gave it to one of the best sports fans, someone who still plays a bad-assed game of competitive basketball.

Finally, the most important fan move of all: I drilled this morning, bounced the ball off my foot, my calf, my knee, my butt, and everything in between.

This is important because the more times I screw up my handles, my behind the back, between the legs, spins, open steps, cross steps, the less it will happen in the game.

The Blazers are tremendous athletes, just like everyone who plays in the NBA. They are also a great team, like the other teams that made the final four. The difference is the Blazers are a real team with real connections to each other and the community in a larger sense.

These are our guys and they’re doing us proud.

The last thing I did was take one step back shot from the right elbow. And drained it.

Hence, my call: Two point Blazer win with McCollum taking the last shot.

What do Portland pansies have to do with a Blazer vs Warrior final?

We get a lot of press about the livability here, and it’s true, but the story is usually about teams not doing well because of the natural beauty, as if you can’t be good unless you grew up playing ball in a fenced off school yard on a busy street.

Or, the only players who come to Portland leave their hard edge behind and succumb to wonders of Oregon from Mt. Hood to the Columbia Gorge to the coast.

Both examples are false. These guys are grinders of the first degree, and they’re taking steps in the process to bring a title back here. Get out of the first round, make the conference finals, show up in the NBA Finals and win it all.

I already took the winning shot this morning, now it’s C J’s turn.

Win the game, then smell the flowers.