ONE UP: DOES IT MAKE YOU BETTER?

After watching the Jack Black one up skit on SNL, I’m fascinated.

Why is it so funny?

Is it because they take ordinary events and things and elevate them to virtue?

Let’s find out.

I love the new hybrid cars, especially the message on filling up at the gas station.

“450 miles to the next fill up.”

You won’t burn any gas if you keep the speed limit to only battery power, so drive fifteen miles an hour.

Also, you can drive twenty miles on the battery after you run out of gas.

I used to drive a GMC half ton truck that got 8 miles per gallon, so I’ve one upped myself.

 

When we moved into the new house we had a visitor who took a look around and said, “This is the sort of house that destroys the environment, cuts the rainforest, and is totally unnecessary.”

After they left I asked my wife if her friend brought a house-warming gift, like a match to burn the place down.

Was it better to move into the house, or buy property, skin off the forest, and build a place where nothing had been.

Where’s the one up on that?

 

A Lifetime Of One Up

I’ve always lived in places that get one upped, starting in North Bend.

Coos Bay was one up all the way, to the point of trying to incorporate North Bend like we were Empire or Charleston.

Ashland was one upped by Medford, Philadelphia one upped by New York, Springfield one upped by Eugene, Brooklyn one upped by Manhattan, and finally Portland one upped by Seattle.

Once you get outside the country and ask people if they’d heard of Portland they say no.

But they all knew where Seattle was.

Now I live in a place one upped by Beaverton and Lake Oswego, if not Tualatin.

I probably look for the one up based on the group I grew up with.

Two brothers were all-stars, and one sister is the center of the universe.

My Mom could one up anyone with her three boys and one daughter.

I learned not to compare kids after I started my family.

My kids made me so proud, and continue making me proud, which isn’t something to throw in anyone’s face.

Not everyone is so lucky and I hope mine continues to grand kids. So far, so good.

 

On Upping Is A Bad Habit, But Still Funny

I saw a car commercial recently talking about elegance, refinement, and prestige.

Was is a Mercedes? A Rolls Royce? A Bentley?

That’s where my mind went, not KIA.

But it was a KIA with a good sales pitch.

What are you supposed to do with someone trying to one up everything?

Join in.

 

“We follow the Rolling Stones when they tour,” gets, “I listen to them on the way to the gas station for a beer and it feels the same.”

 

“We just got back from London and I already miss it,” gets, “I drank a warm, flat, beer once and it felt like England.”

 

“I had snails in Paris and they were marvelous,” gets, “I cut a yard slug in half with scissors and it was gooey.”

 

One upping is best done in response to someone else reaching low for higher ground.

I live a frugal life, not a bling life, and if anything looks extra special I give my wife credit.

We’re turning one upping into a regular feature of our time together and work to string it out as far as we can.

 

Wife: Where are your Ray Bans.

Me: In the case. I’m saving them by wearing old sun glasses lying around.

Wife: Does that make sense?

Me: Where are your new shoes.

Wife: On the shoe rack. Didn’t you see them?

Me: All of your shoes look the same.

 

Yesterday we went back and forth about ten times and had to stop because we laughed so hard it hurt.

The fake one up is the best; the sincere one ups are a little sad.

Choose carefully.

 

Me: I went to Portland State. It’s called the Harvard of the west.

Harvard Guy: I know. We call Harvard the Portland State of the east.