NO RESPECT FOR FRAGILE MEN?

‘No respect’ shows up when you least expect it.

At least that’s when it should show up; out of the blue, left field, from nowhere.

And it hurts feelings.

How many times has it happened to you?

The first time I had my feelings hurt online came after the Umpqua Community College mass shooting.

On October 1, 2015, in Roseburg, Oregon at Umpqua Community College, students gathered for their Intro to Creative Writing class. Moments later, tragedy struck. A 26-year-old male student fatally shot his professor and eight fellow students in the classroom. Nine other students were also injured before the incident ended. The mass shooting was the deadliest in Oregon’s modern history, and left a profound and lasting effect on the local community.

President Obama came to town to offer condolences in a way only a President can.

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I was glad to see he noticed and wanted to do more.

Not so glad to see this no respect reaction:

More than 200 gun-rights activists also gathered outside Roseburg airport — some carrying holstered handguns.

“I’m here to tell Obama he is not welcome in our county. He is exploiting the local tragedy with his gun control agenda,” said Bruce Rester, a retired truck driver who was wearing a handgun in a holster over his chest. “Everybody should carry a gun. An armed society is a polite society.”

I wrote Obama a Thank-you Note as one does when a President shows up to help; he sent a letter back on White House stationary.

Is it a form letter sporting an auto-signature? Doesn’t matter. It’s a first from one of the finest to do the job, one of my small treasures.

Personally, I’d stay home if the President came to meet families shot to pieces, not get strapped up for show-and-tell for a world press to learn more about Oregon and Oregonians.

Is it just me?

No Respect Online, Or Off

Some people find it hard to understand online bullying, and how it can hurt feelings so bad the victims kill themselves.

They can’t explain why they did it because they’re dead.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for adolescents and young adults in the United States. In-person bullying is known to raise the risk of thoughts of suicide and attempts for both victims and perpetrators.

Cyberbullying—bullying that happens online—has been on the rise in this age range. Increased use of the internet during the COVID-19 pandemic has further boosted this trend. But the links between cyberbullying and thoughts of suicide and attempts are less well understood than the effects of in-person bullying.

If you ever been bullied, or been a bully, and grew out of it, you’re not home free.

People remember things, which I believe is the reason for steps eight and nine.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

A guy called me to make amends for his drunken life of abuse and buffoonery, his words. But I didn’t remember him that way.

He sounded serious, so I listened and accepted amends he didn’t need to make.

I gave respect for his effort because he needed it. He sounded fragile.

Did I tell him people he needed to call instead of me?

No.

Fragile Men? We’re All Fragile

If you give no respect you will reap bitter rewards.

A recent event was a big show of respect for marital bliss.

For the husbands:

How can you participate in a group plan that excludes your plans of drinking beer and making the right officiating calls while cussing the refs?

Even more important, if you go along, can you do it without complaining and rushing to get back for the end of the game?

In other words, can you join in without resorting to jackassery?

For the wives:

Try and appreciate your husband’s sacrifice for your peace of mind.

He might be distracted checking scores on a college football afternoon with his team ranked and climbing.

If you have a husband who participates in this peculiar marriage experiment, take note:

Is he patiently waiting for things to unfold, or is he taking a stand to ruin the weekend?

Results may vary case by case.

How Fragile?

For best results dealing with fragile men, be collaborative.

If you ask them to do something you know they can do, try this:

“This place is a mess. I’d clean it up but I don’t have time. Could you give it shot?”

This accomplishes three important things. The first is acknowledging a problem without hyperbole and drama.

Respect: “This place is a mess.”

No respect: “You’re a pig and it shows.”

The second defines the skill level needed to solve the problem.

Respect: “I’d clean it up but I don’t have time.”

No respect: “I have better things to do, not you.”

Finishing with the pitch.

Respect: “Could you give it a shot?”

No respect: “Do what I say.”

Respect vs No Respect

Everyone we interact with on any level can potentially have some dog in them.

If it’s a good dog, keep it good.

If it’s a bad dog, remember the rule: No bad dogs, just bad dog owners.

Getting no respect is no reason for a good dog to go bad, so keep an eye out.