NEW EXPERTS CHECK IN WITH MEDICAL AND MILITARY WIZARDRY

New experts are coming out of the woodwork, crawling out from under rocks, and they need to be heard.

Luckily for the rest of us we have social media to learn from them.

After enough twitter and Facebook scrolling, I’m ready for class, ready to discover new insights from these evolving geniuses.

You know I need help because I wrote ‘evolving geniuses’, as if evolution was a real thing.

Evolution? Please. Was evolution mentioned in the Garden of Eden? Or Noah’s Arc?

The class bell is ringing and Professor Oz will lock the door if anyone’s late. Which is odd since he teaches from behind a curtain and can’t see anyone.

But the Great and Powerful Man is still All-Seeing, just like the new experts.

New medical experts explain how science was wrong in the covid pandemic from the start and more wrong with the variants.

Their voices are loud and strong and reach across the land, so they must be right, right?

Too many people downplay their expertise just because they can’t do fourth grade math with their kids. Like that’s some sort of standard. When did math and medicine combine, huh?

The new medical experts know that covid treatment, the one called a vaccine, is an excuse for the government idiots in cahoots with the CDC to steal more freedoms.

Like the freedom to breath the God given air of American democracy, the same democracy and the same air they breathed inside the Capitol on Jan. 6. No shot in the arm could keep real Americans from enjoying the freedom of breaking and entering based on messaging from the top.

A No Debate Mask Mandate

How can a mask make a medical difference when it smells like snot and boogers after wearing it a month straight?

No thanks. I won’t be a masked man today anymore than I was a masked man in high school when older kids told us a jock strap was a mask.

At least they helped us figure out how to put it on the right way.

What’s better, wearing a paper mask or a jock? Everyone knows a jock offers better protection and smells better after a month. And it won’t make you look like a blue goon.

If you want to wear a mask, and why would you, at least choose the right one.

Make a health statement with a well seasoned jock for best effect. Ignore the stains.

New Military Experts Agree

American military bases are in too many countries, but not in Russia or China. Why?

Because they are trusted nations, the new experts say.

Instead, why not more military bases and patrols in liberal blue states? Those people need to be held in check before they turn the whole country into a socialist paradise.

Public schools, affordable healthcare, and social security are at risk from these Neo-libral commies.

Public support won’t put the smallest dent in the Defense budget either because the people are already geared up with surplus uniforms and guns. And don’t mention training.

With groups meeting in the woods and organizing events like kidnapping the governor of Michigan, freedom and safety will walk hand in hand.

Besides, the work has already begun with special friends like the Oregon Representative who opened the door in the state capitol to allow patriots entry.

“The melee with police which follows is difficult to watch without a profound sense of gratitude to the troopers who were able to prevent further violence that could have recklessly put more people in harm’s way.“

This man of the people is suffering.

“For the last few days, I and my family have been subjected to criticism, attacks at my home and threats via email, social media and phone,” he said in his statement. “Many of these messages have been hate-filled and profanity laced.”

He adds a heartfelt wish.

“I hope for due process, and not the mob justice to which Speaker Kotek is subjecting me,” he said in the statement.

New Experts Need More Help

They need a spokesman for viral diseases with experience in the field, like an HPV 16 virus caused neck cancer survivor.

“If you’re stalled in traffic waiting on a light on a warm day with the windows down, and smell cigarette smoke, look around. The only person smoking is four cars up in the next lane over, but you still get a whiff. That’s the same as an aerosol virus like covid.”

“That’s how you got neck cancer?”

“More or less, yes.”

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They need a military spokesman with experience in the field, like an Army Pfc.

“If you know anything about the Army, the most important people are the Privates. They know more about how to get out of work, avoid duty, and screw off in general than any other rank. In addition, they know how to blame others for failures. If you’ve got something that needs wrecking, call a private. The same if you need something built.”

“How would you handle Afghanistan?”

“First the people. Create a safer exit route for those at risk. Then the weaponry. Either ship it out, or destroy it so the arms don’t get exported to regional conflicts and warring factions.”

“What is a safer exit route.”

“An old Marine said this about the Iranian hostage crisis: I’d land a large force after blanketing the area with pamphlets explaining intentions in many languages. The plan would be creating a ten mile wide entry all the way to the hostages with a message that anyone in the zone without permission would be killed immediately.”

“So would the hostages.”

“You’d have to do it the right way. We didn’t just land at Normandy on a whim, or Incheon later. First lay the groundwork, then lay the wood.”

“Who could do this?”

“The Marine Corps, thats who.”