MARRIED MAN: TIME TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

A married man has one job above all others, and that’s to protect the institution of marriage. Otherwise, why bother jumping through the hoops to get married?

“But Dave,” you ask, “how do I protect the institution of marriage?”

It starts with a definition of marriage. Get ready, because here we go.

I’ll keep it simple: Marriage is a union between two people who make plans for living their lives together.

Married is married, not, “We consider ourselves married,” or, “We’ve been together so long we might as well be married.”

Marriage is about two people embracing the idea of a legal union, then doing it.

Married man protects the deal by being a positive role model. How easy is that? Young people may ask marriage questions. Give the best answers. Here’s a few to start.

Married Man Q & A

Q: Is it scary to get married?

A: There’s more to it than appears. You need a marriage license once you’re decided to get married. I picked one up in an office in downtown Portland. One desk was for marriage license. The next desk over sold dog licenses.

To keep the romance alive, don’t linger on the mechanics of marriage. Not every moment is encased in the glowing radiance of two soul mates finding each other. The dog license desk was a funny companion to the marriage license desk, but maybe funnier for one than the other.

No wife wants to hear about a license mistake, or how you got two licenses in case one didn’t take. And save the joke about which one comes with a leash.

Q: How do you know the right time to get married?

A: It’s all about timing, and even the best timed ceremony has glitches. Relationships have an organic momentum built into them. When you’re around people who’ve been together a while you can feel it.

I know people who got married as soon as they could, people who waited, and people still waiting. Before I got married I had a Breakup-O-Meter. Since I wasn’t getting married ever, I put anyone I dated on the clock. Anything was worthy of breaking up over. Eventually I grew up a little more.

A married man shouldn’t get late phone calls from women in his past. This is avoidable by making a clean break with the past. Being a jerky boyfriend prevents any future calls. Why would anyone want to call their jerky ex-boyfriend.

Try and not be too much of a jerk, though. One of the worst things a guy can do is ruin a woman’s appreciation of a good man. If you aren’t good enough for the one you’re with, don’t make them feel like it’s their fault.

Q: We’ve all had a life before marriage. Does that count?

A: Not when your partner asks, “When did your life begin?” They want you to say your life started when you met/married them. I want you to say it, too. You may want to say it, but with reservations. Go ahead and say it.

Marriage Rule: Choose Each Other For Someone To Be Nice To

If you need to be nice to someone to show you still can, choose your partner. You’ll know if you’ve still got it if it doesn’t come across as some generic gesture.

Besides, being nice is a hedge against the day you might not be so nice.

If a wife gets a call from an old boyfriend who is passing through, be nice. Say this:

“Oh, isn’t that sweet. It’s good to be remembered.”

Not this:

“What kind of loser calls out of the blue and wants to stop here, at our house? For what, a booty call? I don’t like the sound of this, but if you’re going to date an old boyfriend, what’s it say about you?”

She’s not dating her ex-boyfriend anymore than you’re dating your ex-girlfriend. Give her the same green light you’d want if the situation were reversed. Say this:

“Sure, let’s get together. I think I’d enjoy meeting someone from your past I’ve heard about.”

Not this:

“Isn’t this a man who’s been married three times already? Now he’s lining up number four? Go ahead, I’m not telling you what to do, but I’ll ask you the same thing if I get a call. Married people are secure enough to spend a few hours with a bombshell in a dark bar, sharing old times, having a few laughs. Sure, go ahead.”

Some things don’t need to see the light of day for a married man. Jealousy over a wife’s old flame is one of them. Another is sharing the number of women you think might want to give you a spin.

We already know the answer to that one, dreamboat. All. Of. Them.