MANPLAINING MAN CODE FOR NON-MAN CODE TALKERS

Man code isn’t the same as secret encryption, but they share a common aim: communication by means other than normal language.

A secret encryption message gets deciphered, then delivered; a man code message gets interpreted and acted on.

For example:

The Army had a man code everyone knew before the My Lai massacre where a lieutenant saying, “Waste ’em,” was an order to machine gun unarmed people in a trench.

In the Army of 1974 we were instructed very clearly to repeat hinky orders back to the officer giving them, then telling them, “I’m sorry sir, I cannot follow an illegal order.”

The drill sergeants said it in a way that made me believe THEY would never give an illegal order.

All professions have their jargon, their code, a specific nomenclature they use to speak to others in the same field. I’ve heard it in doctor offices, from contractors, watching sports.

Man code is the same thing on a personal level.

Sometimes man code gets mistaken for bad fucking manners between men at a group gathering, where one of them sets a place and time to meet and others agree.

In between the invite and the event, one guy’s wife planned a whole complicated evening with girlfriends, like a little party of cooking and cocktails he’s not invited to because he’ll be somewhere else.

Then the first guy goes cold silent after realizing there could be a little problem inviting that guy to a group gathering. You know, That Guy?

The Cold Silent is man code for, “I’m an adult male but still too prissy to uninvite a guy up front without wetting myself.”

Male Bonding Man Code Medicine

The following is an example of two men male bonding in man code:

Man 1: I’m going in next week for surgery.

Man 2 touches his hand to his shoulder.

Man 1: Yep, it’s time.

Man 2: Replaced or reconstructed?

Man 1: Same as the other.

Man 2, looking straight into Man 1’s eyes to show he means it: I don’t tell anyone this, but if there’s something, give me a call.

Man 1: Like what?

Man 2: You’ll know when you call.

Man 1: Like if I need something?

Man 2: Maybe.

Man 1: That’s what I’ve got a wife for.

Man 2: I’m not volunteering to be a bitch.

Man 1: Okay, I’ll call if there’s something she can’t get.

Man 2: If she can’t get it, I’m not getting it. Call if you need something.

Man 1: I will.

Man 2: But you can only call once.

Man 1: Once?

Man 2: And I’m not driving very far.

Man 1: So, if I need something I can’t get, whatever that might be, I have one call to you, and you have milage restrictions.

Man 2: That sounds about right.

Man 1: Thanks.

Man 2: Make it something I can throw in your yard when I drive by.

Man Code Requirements

Remember, you don’t have to be a man for man code. You don’t need morals or ethics either. Scruples? Come on, man.

At the highest levels of man code bullshit, a weak person is desperate to show the strong one he gets it. They do it by expanding the code to the delight of the more powerful person.

I worked in an office where the supervisor was tough on the staff but a pathetic suck up to the manager. I stayed long enough to learn the manager ropes. It was a good cop / bad cop deal.

The only way a weak person breaks the man code is by realizing the part they played. Once that happens the powerful person becomes the bad man who forced the weak man to do things he wouldn’t have done, shouldn’t have, done.

A weak person talks man code with the strong and feels the power. They are the hammer and everyone else is a nail, right up until they get hammered, too.

Man Code Saddness

As people age they find things they once thought important aren’t as important anymore.

New becomes too new, faster is too fast, as the years stack one upon another until death comes into focus.

For some it becomes a time of reflection and peace, for others a time of sharing and giving.

Then there’s the segment of assholes in a panic who see the clock hands spinning and start grabbing at everything and everyone like they’re drowning in a whirlpool of regret.

The panic is man code for a wasted life and a missing legacy.

Don’t be ‘That Guy.’