MANLY MEN WHO FORGET TO BE MEN FIRST

The manly men where I grew up were loggers and truckers and fishermen.

They were hard men doing hard jobs.

One of them liked to visit with my dad and tease my older brother.

There may have been tears.

But it’s different now. What changed?

In the Sixties the advice for smart women on the way up the employment ladder was not to learn how to type.

The reasoning was if they learned to type they’d be sidetracked from a promising career and ditched in the typing pool.

The Seventies went back and forth, but by the time the 80’s rolled around, manly men could brag about their typing speed.

And they did. And it was weird.

One married man was a big deal where he worked. His wife worked out of town while he worked the ladies.

He hired attractive young women who came to work every day looking beautiful.

Other women in the company gave the new hires a heads up on their boss.

Their youth and inexperience put them at risk, but they were women who didn’t take a backseat to manly men who typed fast. They were faster.

So their boss worked even harder. From hair dye to weight loss, to fancy rides and wistful memories, he was more successful with women separated from their husbands, or divorced.

Older women found him intriguing; younger women found him ‘cute.’

He was ‘cute’ when he left their apartment late one night after saying, “This was probably a mistake we shouldn’t make again. Or talk about.”

One of them reported to me, then another. These were women my age, late twenties. Neither were happy about being a mistake.

Representing all manly men, I tried to make it all better.

Manly Men Decision Makers

As a kid I worked for a manly man who had a side hustle of ‘government work.’

He found time every day for his home projects after finishing a day’s work good enough for ‘government work.’

He was a government worker who knew the ropes well enough to manage an independent department.

The workers he hired needed to understand what was needed of them. Be strong and flexible enough to multi-task, and don’t squeal.

I’m not squealing now, just giving an overview of manly men good enough for government work.

2

Today, manly men who do government work in suits come in more varieties.

Okay, two varieties.

The difference is in their delivery.

One variety makes a face like they just chugged a pint of cat piss before screaming at their audience for being so complacent.

“If you don’t do what I say to do then you won’t have a country you recognize.”

Sound familiar? Do those words make you want drive a long distance and storm some Capitol somewhere?

It worked like a charm for a whole load of people on Jan. 6.

That was the ‘Fuck Around’ part of fuck around and find out. Now we’re in the ‘Find Out’ stage.

This is when we find out if the King of fuck around and not get found, finds out.

It sounds serious:

The department, and Attorney General Merrick Garland, have been criticized for their apparent slow response in bringing forward criminal charges against those responsible for trying to overturn the last election, especially amid evidence represented by the January 6 Committee.

Just before reports of the DOJ looking into Trump’s conduct came out, Garland told NBC Night News that prosecutors will “pursue justice without fear or favor” and will not rule out prosecuting the former president if necessary.

“We intend to hold everyone, anyone who was criminally responsible for events surrounding January 6, or any attempt to interfere with the lawful transfer of power from one administration to another, accountable,” Garland said.

Manly Experience As A Boy

I learned what it meant to be included in a criminal investigation early on.

One autumn evening I was enjoying a JV football game on the high school field. I was playing with the varsity team as a sophomore.

The local police had an undercover agent everyone knew about. It was a small town the undercover man cruised on a chopped motorcycle.

A three hundred pound load on a skinny motorcycle was hard to miss.

The guy approached me, said a few things, and off we went with his arm pinning mine to his pillowy side.

My Dad, a sharp observer of human nature after spending five years in the Marine Corps with a stop in Korea in 1950, watched from the stands.

He caught up with us as we reached the stadium gate. Whatever he said to the undercover guy got him to release me.

To my Dad.

Dad: What happened?

Me: Last night I got a ride home from one of the guys after practice. They stopped in the back of Payless and put a few boxes of pop in the trunk.

Dad: Where were you?

Me: In the backseat.

Dad: Did you get out?

Me: No.

Dad: So you stayed in the car and didn’t get out.

Me: I didn’t get out.

Dad: They told me about a robbery and you were named.

Me: Named?

Dad: Whoever they picked up first gave them your name.

Me: For getting a ride home?

Dad: For being an accomplice.

Me: I’m an accomplice from the backseat?

Dad: You were there on the scene. That’s how it works. Now you have a date with the county courthouse in Coquille.

Me: When?

Dad: The court date is on your birthday.

Happy Birthday For Manly Men?

All the way to Coquille on my birthday my Mom hissed from the front seat:

“I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

Was I? No.

Through their work, both of my parents knew state policemen, city policemen, county sheriff’s department. They knew everyone and now their kid was heading for the gears of justice.

No, I wasn’t proud.

But my parents had had talks ahead of the court date and due to their involvement their bundle of joy turned criminal King Pin got a scared straight moment before the show was invented.

I’m sixty-seven now and can still hear my Mom’s voice asking if I’m proud of myself.

I can see my Dad talking to the juvenile court officers in the hallway.

Am I proud of myself today?

I’m proud I had a Dad who stepped up for his son, and a kick-ass Mom who would kick any ass that needed it.

What more could a kid ask for.

How would my kids have handled it?

How would you handle it as a kid and as a parent?