MALE BONDING WITH FRAGILE EGOS

Male bonding isn’t about two guys becoming Blood Brothers.

Let’s leave the knives out of it.

No cuts and pressing wounds together with intense eye contact needed here.

What is needed, though, is an element of trust. Not ‘trust’ with money or wives involved, but that other trust:

Trust in doing what’s right. Lose that and nothing works.

What’s the best thing about male bonding?

You don’t even have to know the other guy. They could even be dead and it’s still a bond.

People my age grew up with kids whose older brothers went to Vietnam. They were small town boys when they left, and a little spooked when they came back. Some young men left and didn’t come back.

It was hard not to think we’d all get drafted if Vietnam continued, which was a great reason to go to college and stay there as long as possible.

That plan ended my freshman year when someone pointed out the guy who’d lived in the dorms for twelve years and had a stack of degrees.

A year later I joined the Army.

From high school, to college, followed by two Army years in Philly, it was a real bond-fest.

Fragile Ego Friends Who Bond

By the time I was twenty-two I’d seen the entire spectrum of male bonding.

The high school bad-ass who took on all comers was terrified of the world beyond the city limits.

The California dorm rat fast-talked his fellow students into believing he was the best California export since shelled almonds.

The barracks guy threatened to cut our throats in our sleep if we weren’t careful.

Guys who stood out for less than glowing attributes drew the kind of friends who needed them to boost their self-esteem.

They were, and are, the kind of people who swing from best to worst friend, and back.

On a good day they are the greatest. Watch your neck on the other days.

Proper Male Bonding

If you’re not a bi-polar bully, an insecure sunshine boy, or Rambo in training, then meet your new friends.

Earn the bully’s respect by punching somebody who deserves it. But not too hard, pal, not a ‘fighting for your life on a dying planet unless you punch a hole in someone’s skull’ kind of punch.

With the bully watching, react to a minor offense like ‘what’re you lookin’ at’ with just the threat of a punch, but no actual contact.

Since bullies tend to be stupid, that’s enough.

Bond with California by talking about warm ocean water, the kind of water Oregon dreams of when you turn blue with hypothermia after diving under a few waves. California is proud of its warm ocean water.

It doesn’t make them pansies.

The barracks knife-guy is definitely a male bonding target if for no other reason than they won’t knife you first.

Try and understand that ‘knife you in your sleep’ doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.

Follow this advice if you’re young, and review your friendships if you’re older. You’ll find most people fall into similar categories based on your life experiences.

Which one are you?

Be the one who gets vaccinated and wears a mask. That’s a start.