LIFE SAVING FOR THE GIVERS AND TAKERS

Life saving is more than a job at the swimming pool.

It’s an everyday deal of doing small things that go unnoticed, until it matters.

Then it’s everything.

Where are the life savers when you need them, the people who take the time even when they’re running late?

Who are these people? I think you know a few.

Start with your mom and dad. They are the people you’d expect to give a damn, right up until they don’t.

Baby Boomers work to remember their folks. It’s harder the further along we get, so we just cloak them in love and generosity and caring.

Mine were perfect parents, too, if I remember right. They were trying to make a living and doing the best they could.

With four kids.

I’m sixty-seven now with two adult kids. From the get-go I secretly pledged to be the best dad ever invented. Didn’t tell my wife, didn’t tell my friends, didn’t tell anyone.

If it sounds like bragging, well maybe it is.

Part of my plan was being available, sticking around. The other part was being respectfully obnoxious.

My wife still wonders why I jumped up and raced my kids to do the chores she asked them to do. Now I can reveal why:

I want my kids to remember their old man’s life saving duty of postponing the drudgery of modern times.

Drudgery? You know, doing dishes, washing and folding laundry, taking the garbage out. The basics.

I’d beat them to the job then explain why: “Because your mother asked, you lazy little shits.”

But I said it with love. Did they learn anything? Was it about doing the work, or learning how important it is to listen to women?

The work was simple, the listening part was the lesson. Mission accomplished? I like to think so.

If their ladies read this and leave a comment we’ll know for sure, but who does that?

Professional Advice For Free

My readers know I’ve been through a few things. One of them was f#cking cancer.

Since I’m such a robust bullshitter looking for the best way forward everyday, I asked a nurse how I was supposed to approach chemo and radiation and come out the other end resembling myself.

I’d talked to others who gone in the tank, and I was determined to avoid that.

The nurse said, “You need to surrender to the process.”

Surrender? I didn’t like the sound of that. Just go along with things? What about the ‘fighting cancer’ talk we all hear?

Nope, surrender. So I did. And I went in the tank, touched bottom, and rebounded. Why me?

Because my wife took a turn at life saving. My life. After the first chemo doctor prescribed three different chemo drugs and a pump, I was set to go. Let’s do it. She had other plans.

“We’ll get a second opinion.”

I bucked a little, then got a second opinion from OHSU’s Dr. Yee. He prescribed one chemo based on the evidence presented in my case. He was life saving and I didn’t know.

I’ve read accounts of kids talking about their parents and chemo.

“It ate my dad up until he couldn’t take it anymore and he shot himself.”

While I was circling the drain my wife and kids intervened and tore me a new one. Their rude and crude talk filled me with pride and that was the moment I turned the corner.

I’ve been barked at by professionals, from coaches to drill sergeants to marriage counselors, and my two sons were right in the sweet spot. Maybe a little too ornery for some, but just what I needed to hear.

Their life saving effort, and that’s what it was, propelled me to prove them wrong. I’d surrendered to the process, but maybe a little too much. I was on the verge of giving up, but not after that.

I took the life saving harangue they gave and came out better for it. Thank you, boys, thank you and your momma.

Small Acts Of Life Saving

When my dad was near the end of his life I tried to convince him to move in with my family for the duration. But he was married to his second wife and she had other plans.

They worked out the way they wanted to proceed and I stood down.

Then, when my father in law was near the end of his life I got my chance.

I was his angry caregiver, angry because I felt the medical establishment had given up on him too early.

My biggest motivation was getting him out of the hospital room that was wearing my mother in law to a frazzle. He was on his death bed and she looked like she’d be right behind him.

We all adapted the home front.

Then it was my stepdad’s time and my brother and sister in law showed the sort of love and kindness reserved for saints. I missed on my dad, got more than anticipated with my father in law, and stood by to see how other’s did it.

While every act is not a life saving act, doing small things consistently adds up. You may never know the sum of those small acts, but it might be just enough to pull someone off the ledge.

I’ll close with a favorite quote:

“Don’t look for big things, just do small things with great love. The smaller the thing, the greater must be our love.”

Chokes me up a little just reading it. How about you?