LIFE GOALS: BOOMERS FROM 58 TO 68

My life goals are simple.

Like Marcus Aurelius, I believe the object of life is very clear:

Stay off the lunatic fringe.

And?

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

The ten year span from late 50’s to late 60’s is interesting because it touches on mortality.

We’re winding things up, winding things down, with even more winding in the future.

Some keep their shit together, some don’t.

Adding to the not-such-a-big-deal case is the fact that, by and large, graying divorcees are Boomers, the generation that first turned divorce into a popular American pastime.

At this point, gray divorce is best thought of as Boomers simply being Boomers. We might have to modify that notion depending on the future marital behavior of Gen X and Millennials, but there’s some evidence that Boomers have a more lenient attitude towards divorce than younger adults.

Those of us who lived through the 70’s and 80’s will recognize the hopeful attempt to paint divorce as an exciting new personal adventure: Great News DO50’s: The Best Sex of Your Life Awaits,” promises a website for divorcees over 50, lending support to one theory that the late divorce surge is simply a byproduct of the availability of Viagra.

Tinder and other dating sites have been so inundated by senescent Boomers on the make that there are now numerous websites with names like ‘Elite Singles, Silver Singles, and Our Time’ just for them.  

So, I’m still married. I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. Call it one of my life goals.

Boomers From 58 to 68

Ordinarily these are the prime years of career power.

You started at the bottom and worked your way up.

Ten years as THE MAN would be hard to leave.

Or you’re miserable and counting down the time to ‘retirement.’

With no science other than my sharp observations, people who are miserable at work leave the work but take the misery with them.

Call me crazy, but what else can you attribute such an attitude to?

My kid called me out, asking what I’ve done in the past ten years.

He couldn’t think of anything; neither could I.

As any self-respecting husband would do, I asked my wife, “What have I done in the last ten years that made my life worth living?”

Have you ever done this? Answered this question? Asked this question?

I must have caught her in a reflective mood because wifey went off the same way a friend did when I asked him about his life.

My buddy had a lot to say. It seemed like he was waiting for someone to ask the right question.

It started after my wife asked me questions about him I didn’t know.

“Be a friend and ask about his life,” she said. “That’s what friends do.”

They do? Why would I do that? Because I’m a good friend?

I asked my wife about the last ten years and she had a lot to say.

About me. It seemed like she’d been waiting for the question.

My girl made me look good and feel good. I think I’ll keep her.

The Dicey Decade For Life Goals

After her accounting made me sound like an All-Star husband, superior man, and great role model for fatherhood and grandpas, I looked for the middle ground.

Me: Have I done enough?

Wife: I can’t imagine anyone doing what you’ve done.

Men, when your wife says this, or words to that affect, stop talking.

You’ve reached the promise land. Nirvana is your new address, king.

But who listens?

I could have done more, so much more with life goals in the past decade.

Like what, you ask?

I’ve got a motorcycle endorsement on my driver’s license which means I could have bought a big Harley and joined a riding group of manly men.

I met a guy at a brew pub in NW Portland who’d pulled up on his Harley.

Great looking bike, cool guy. I asked if he was in a motorcycle gang.

He said he was and would I like to see pictures? Hell yeah.

Turned out he belonged to a gay riding club. He had camping pictures of bikes and guys in ass-less chaps.

I’ve got to say it was too damn funny.

Biker: You want to join? Lot of guys don’t have bikes so they ride double.

Me: Sounds great. I’ll ask my wife.

I didn’t ask.

I Could’ve Done More

Why didn’t I grow a beard and long hair, get a few tats, and learn the two finger blues?

I could’ve hung out in downtown bars and said things like, “Cool. Rad. Far fucking out.”

Oregon needs another big white man who is a self-proclaimed authority on everything from the hops in the beer, dust on weed, and how to deal with an oxy addiction.

Why not get my bet on and start handicapping horse races and NFL football games?

Worse yet, I missed the boat on crypto currency, converting all of my assets to gold, and building a panic room.

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What I didn’t miss out on:

Putting my wife and kids first.

There’s a certain communication style that comes from certain adults.

It’s wise and informed with an undercurrent of ‘you’re a fucking idiot and we both know it.’

It usually comes from people who’ve weathered the worst storms, been beaten and battered by life, and learned that as long as they stick to their role it’s all good.

My role has been in support of the family. That is the beginning and end of my life goals.

It started when I got married and became a defender of the true faith.

I added one child, then another. Did I over-do the defender of the true faith stuff? Of course.

Then my kids got married and I added two more members to the club.

In the future I will add every grand child.

Life goals can be complicated, buy why not start simple?

Be the guardian of your wife and kids, then their wives and kids.

A good guardian can be anyone with the balls to try.

Will the kid asking me to account for my last ten years have what it takes?

Yes he will. Eventually. He’s still got training wheels on.