KID PROMISES MADE, KID PROMISES KEPT

Kid promises are what expecting parents make, what new parents make.

Then baby shows up and everyone makes new promises.

If you are a parent, what kind of promises did you make to yourself.

Were they the same ones you told your parenting partner?

We are home-birth parents. Why?

Because my wife has delivered about 400 home births.

“I need to walk the walk with my new moms.”

I promised I wouldn’t run out of the room and lock myself in the bathroom during labor.

That’s the same promise I made at my wife’s friends party when they let a wild animal out of its cage to meet me.

It was a big promise since the wild animal was a huge snake and I’m not a snake guy.

I promised the snake I’d bite its head off if it got out of line.

Kid promises are different when you’re a kid guy.

I promised I’d be available. Turns out I’m too available.

Do kids need a shadow Daddy?

Big Kid Promises Made

I promised I’d help my kids with their homework.

How did that work out?

I went to a parent/teacher meeting for third grade.

The corner of the room had a bucket with ribbons streaming out of it to the wall.

Kids’ names were at the end of each colored ribbon. The length of each ribbon on the wall above the bucket showed how well each kid was doing.

I looked and looked and couldn’t find my kid’s name on a ribbon.

During the meeting I kept expecting the teacher to break the news that my kid wasn’t getting it.

The teacher didn’t mention it, so I did.

“You can tell me if there’s a problem with his classroom performance.”

“There’s no problem.”

“I can’t find my kid’s name in the math bucket.”

“Oh, it’s there.”

“I didn’t look in the bucket deep enough? He doesn’t understand numbers? We can work on that.”

“Did you follow the ribbons?”

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(Now I’m feeling like I’m getting schooled in third grade again.)

“Yes, I followed the ribbons.”

“But you didn’t find your kid’s name?”

“No, I didn’t find my kids name.”

“Then maybe you’re not looking in the right place.”

“Right. Now I’m looking and still not seeing his name.”

“Look up.”

Above the bucket were clusters of names on the wall. That’s where I looked.

Two thread went up from there, which I figured were spare ribbons.

“Still not seeing the kid’s name on the wall.”

“Let’s look together.”

(By then I was feeling like an idiot flunking third grade.)

“I’m looking.”

(We walked over to the bucket.)

“Look up.”

The two long spare ribbons went to the ceiling, made the corner, with names tagged above.

My kid’s name.

“There he is.”

“He’s one of the top math students in third grade. He gets it.”

From then on Mom worked on math with them.

The Sports Promise

After playing organized sports for eleven years, from flag football in fourth grade to a try-out on the All-Army Wrestling Team at nineteen, I had an idea about coaching.

I grew up with kids blaming coaches for their failures.

“I coulda been somebody.”

They could have been somebody if they knew how to listen, understand, and execute.

Instead, they knew how to play the game better than the coaches and chafed at being told what to do.

So big, fast, and strong young men took another route, an easier route, the Regret Route.

I promised my kids wouldn’t have sports regrets, so I signed up to coach recreational league sports.

The Rec League ruled, but some parent/coaches came from a different tree.

The loser coaches were in it to win it at all costs, which means less playing time for struggling kids.

Not on my teams, and I had lots of them. My kids were two years apart in school so I arranged practice schedules back to back.

Little boy had his practice, then practiced with the older kids. Big boy joined in with the younger team, too.

It wasn’t a chore, but a joy, and an excuse for day drinking with other dads on Saturdays after the games.

I ran two teams each fall, winter, and spring for years on end.

Kid Promises For Adult Children With Kids

We will read together from baby’s choice of books.

And I will do all of the voices.

I will sing baby to sleep when she’s fighting to stay awake.

Am I singer? Everyone’s a singer who doesn’t pay attention to non-singer’s opinion.

A good singer? I finish songs and keep at it.

I promise to be the kind of granddad kids aren’t afraid of.

My own grandpa was a scary man. If you talked to him and said, “Huh,” he would lean in and say in a loud voice, “HUH, HUH, HUH, why don’t you teach these kids to listen.”

Instead, we stopped talking.

I will stand by your grandma, your GiGi, until I drop.

Kids young and old need to see elders function normally.

(Is sixty-seven old enough to be an elder? Close enough.)

One set of my grandparents were a dynamic team who helped build a community, and a house.

Another set were solidly in the ‘Fuck off’ camp with a penchant for outhouses, curdled milk, and brown tap water.

When we complained as kids, that grandpa accused his own kid of raising ‘soft children.’

Finally, a third set of grandparents included a grandpa who married seven times.

I met three of his wives, #1, #6, and #7. They were all very nice ladies.

Out of three sets of grandparents, one was a rock.

The Secret To Making Kid Promises?

They may forget a promise.

You won’t. In fact, you can’t.

Why?

Because if you do, then you’re perpetuating the stereotype of the kind of parent you don’t want to be.

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