HOW TO PORTLAND RIGHT

New Arrivals Need To Portland Right Or Else Why Move Here?

You’ve met the new neighbor, the new kid on the block, the one who can’t stop talking about where they came from.

Maybe it’s Boston they talk about, the loser in the Portland name coin flip.

They love Boston and everything about it. With the curse off the Red Sox, the slight curse on the Patriots, and the Celtics on the up-swing, what’s not to love?

But it’s Portland. Let’s talk about the new place instead of waxing on about the old one.

Why do you never meet people from Portland, Maine? They don’t travel well? Or at all? Maybe they’re ashamed of their home now that Portland, Oregon has eclipsed them?

Most of the people, eastie people, come from New York. They like saying they’re from New York even if they’re from New Jersey, Delaware, or Connecticut. It’s the same thing here when people say they’re from Portland but live in Troutdale. Not everyone is a master cartographer.

Once you get the hang of Portland you see the difference between old and new residents.

On your next naked bike ride make eye contact and ask where your fellow riders come from.

At the Saturday Market ask vendors if they have outlets in other states.

Walk the sea wall along the Willamette River and talk to strangers about their hometowns.

People who get Portland right ride their bike in the buff and stay chatty. No one takes that ‘what’re you lookin’ at’ attitude. If naked biker riders intimidate you, look at the license on their bike for regional direction. Do that and riders will wonder what you’re looking at.

Saturday Market artists have a certain track they might follow. The food people might start another cart, open their own restaurant, or get into supplying their foodie friends.

The beer part of Portland speaks for itself.

When you get to the part about talking to strangers on Waterfront Park, remember they might be homeless. Do Portland right and give them room. If you ask about their hometowns you’ll remind them of different times, maybe when they had a home.

Do Portland right and approach with kindness instead of looking to make a point about homelessness. Show you’re interested in others and you’ll do Portland right.

Sports fans lament the loss of baseball from Portland. It’s not like Portland needs more beavers, not with the Beaverton Beavers and Oregon State Beavers on the loose.

Imagine the traffic and trouble with more major league teams in town. That’s not doing Portland right. You don’t want to see Seattle or San Francisco in Portland, at least not any more than what’s here now.

The best review of Portland comes from New Yorkers. Deep in their hearts they think Portland is a part of Central Park with all the trees. They are the happiest of all Portlanders, even if they live in Gresham.