HOW NEW SUITS EMPOWER MEN

It is true? Do new suits empower men?

I felt like all empowered men the moment I walked into the custom clothing store.

“These are fabric samples,” started just inside the front door.

“Sharkskin? From real sharks?” I asked.

From the start they knew they had their man.

“No, not real sharks, but doesn’t it feel like sharkskin?” they asked.

Having never touched a shark, I answered in the only manly way possible.

“Yes, just like a shark.”

Could have said salmon, or trout, or steelhead, and I would’ve agreed. Orca, electric eel, or manta ray feels just like that.

The last thing I wanted was feeling like a rookie in the custom suit shop, even though I was.

See, it’s not my first suit, no matter what my wife says. It’s my second.

The first was a 70’s leisure suit that came to a bad end.

As they all should.

The price of a new suit didn’t chase me from the custom shop.

One thousand dollars for a jacket and pants? Hey, I’m a big spender. Look at that t-shirt.

A thousand for a suit, five hundred for shoes? Why not?

Just to keep it real I asked to see the cheapest off-the-rack rig they sold in the store.

Maybe I ought to be embarrassed to say I liked it just fine.

It wasn’t wool, didn’t feel like a shark, but polyester has never been off limits in my wardrobe.

My leisure suit was polyester. It burned up in a firecracker battle. Little holes where every spark landed.

After seeing the top of the line, and bottom, I used my most gracious manners to run away from anything resembling a thousand dollar suit.

It felt like the right thing to do since buyers’ remorse had set in before I even bought anything.

In the car conversation:

“You need a suit. Every man needs a suit.”

“A thousand dollars worth of suit?”

“You could get buried in that suit.”

Death suit didn’t have the right ring to it.

“How about hitting a vintage clothing store and see if they’ve got something great to tailor?”

“Most vintage is for women, but we could look. Do you want a dress, or a gown?”

“First let’s go to Nordstrom’s.”

It’s the first time I’ve ever said, “Lets go to Nordstrom’s.” For some reason I get panic attacks in there. It happened with my wife once and she never forgot.

“We’ll try Macy’s first.”

Here’s the score to this point:

Dodged the custom shop. Score for me.

Suggested vintage. Score for me.

Said the word Nordstrom’s without shortness of breath. Score for me.

Wife said Macy’s: Score for me. She could have said anything and I’d still score.

Macy’s had a big sale, a big suit sale, but who knew? My wife.

This is when ‘new suits empower men’ empowered her.

The woman knows her way around a clothing expedition.

She even knew the salesman in the men’s department.

It was time to kick back and watch her operate.

First we got the size right. Then the color.

After finding the right suit she saw the needle work on the breast pocket wasn’t right.

Good fortune found another jacket. And there was a difference.

If you’ve never lounged around the men’s department of a major store, you ought to. That’s where you see guys at their most sensitive.

Nothing is good enough for some, while others take the first thing offered and run away.

Instead of one thousand for a custom suit, I came home with a wool suit, shirt, tie, socks, shoes, undies, T-shirts, and a few other things for a third the price.

And no buyers’ remorse. At least not until someone said the pants and jacket don’t match.

But they’re wrong. It’s a match made in Macy’s. Ready to rock and roll.

New suits empower men to bigger and better things.