HOLIDAY CELEBRATION IN THREE RELATED PARTS

What is a holiday celebration of no housework?

If you have kids, or dogs, this day doesn’t exist unless you like dirty feet because that’s what you’ll end up with.

White socks? Not anymore, not today.

If you can see what needs doing and not do it, today is your day.

Your dog vomits on the rug, a main thoroughfare rug?

Let it ride. That’s what they make tomorrow’s for.

Your kid tips over a plate of food in the kitchen?

And the dog eats it because it’s no housework day and someone has to clean it up.

Just not you.

Then Fido pukes on the rug.

What do you do with two messes soaking up the relaxing vibe?

Not relax. It takes a strong commitment for this holiday celebration.

How To Celebrate

These ideas on how to spend a day with no housework are obviously from a rookie.

In reality you can’t stay in the house without breaking the no housework rule.

Unless you’re a complete slacker, or writer, there’s no way to avoid housework if you’re in the house.

You pick anything up and you’re breaking the rules.

Put a dish away?

Run a sink of hot soapy water?

No, you’ve got to leave the house.

Of course, if you’re strong willed and sloppy every other day, this day is perfect.

But if you live with someone who neglects to follow the rules and starts picking up after your messy self, you are out of compliance which leads to #2.

World Health Day

This is the first thing I see in my closest, an Army medic patch.

Not ‘Combat Medic’ or ‘Rescue Medic’ or hospital orderly medic.

I was a clinical medic and ambulance driver watching the world of poor health pass by every day.

Until you get an overall impression of health everything looks normal.

Then you work with people and wonder how anyone could even leave their house in the shape they’re in.

You wonder how they could do housework on any day.

I find it odd to match World Health Day with National No Housework Day.

Why?

If your housework person is taking the day off, and you share food and recipes, who is cleaning up?

You get one guess, but I’ll help:

If you’re a baby boomer reading this, you are it.

So do it right and don’t shame the rest of us with some half-assed effort.

Why not combine the two, housework and health?

The Army had a special standard for housework.

You could do everything perfectly in your living space and some drill sergeant is still coming around and throwing all of your shit on the ground, tip your bed over, and scream in your face for being a momma’s boy no peckered disgrace to your gender.

That’s part or their job. Your part is being a good listener while getting sprayed with drill sergeant spit.

It’s a challenge for many but not me. Why?

Because I wrestled in high school for a coach who apologized to my parents for cussing me out after I lost a match that affected my district tournament seeding.

He wasn’t a cusser, but I was beating a chunky undefeated opponent on Senior Night and I finished the match by throwing myself on my back and getting pinned.

It was a tricky move.

How did I do against the same guy in district finals?

No cussing that night.

Holiday Celebration: National Beer Day

After all is said and done for No Housework Day and Health Day, you need a beer.

Since there’s no National Hard Seltzer Day this will work.

I recommend having three beers. Here’s why:

Chug a familiar first one as fast as you can.

Then try a new beer.

Stretch out with number three and relax with the better beer of the first two.

Ahhh, that hits the spot.

Have you got a plan?

If you’ve got any kind of mustache drinking a beer, you’ll be doing a little housework.

Good luck out there.