HEADLOCK EDUCATION IN THE EIGHTH GRADE, 1969

Headlock education is a fond memory that follows, with names changed to protect the innocent, but since it was small town eighth grade how guilty can anyone be?

I’ve learned that teachers have two jobs, teaching their subject and teaching life.

Fight me.

I remember the students I went to school with. The people who had to deal with them, and teach, were gifted.

My teacher review favorite is Mr. Edison.

If memory serves, he was a math teacher, a sharp dresser, and moonlighted at the men’s clothing store at the mall.

He wasn’t a coach that I recall, but if boys jumped up aggressively in his homeroom he put them in a headlock to help them calm down.

Not some bully move to forcefully subdue kids, but more a gentle reminder of where they are. And it worked without escalating things.

I’m still impressed.

(This was inspired by a Facebook comment on the opening words about teachers. It was posted there by a resting teacher, since retired teacher never fits. These people can’t stop, the classrooms just change. Thank a teacher for that, too.)

“When The Student Is Ready, Headlock Education Begins”

Tommy sat in the wrong chair.

He was new and didn’t know the desks near the door in homeroom were reserved.

One of the reserve guys told him the deal. Tommy didn’t care. He was new. From LA, man.

Four boys played musical desks before the homeroom bell with the one who usually sat in Tommy’s desk sitting behind him.

It started with small talk, quiet comments on where Tommy came from and how he’d fit in to his new school. Tommy was from LA and slicked his hair straight back. No one did that.

Quiet talk joined ear thumping to help get through all the noise from Los Angeles.

Each gentle thump was timed to perfection. As if there’s ever been a ‘gentle’ thump. Or perfection.

The talk turned to weather: the dry, dry, desert, and the wet, WET WILLIE.

Tommy freaked out.

No one did wet willies in LA junior highs?

I remember wet willies all over the place. You had to guard against them. So immature.

And still so hilarious.

Except Tommy had been violated by a wet willie like he’d never been violated before. I think he was an only child.

First the talking, the whispering, then the ear thumping, gentle or not. Finally the wet willie took it to a ‘whole ‘nother level.’

Go Time For Tommy

The class knew Mr. Edison used his glasses as spy-wear. He could see everyone with his head down in a reading position. It was a continuous radar scan for trouble.

If they’d never seen the Edison headlock, the students had heard about it. And never wanted to get caught in that spot. Except Tommy, he was new.

Tommy stood and turned as fast as a chunky kid from the big city could turn. It was just the signal Mr. Edison watched for over his glasses. He rolled up the sleeve on his headlock arm.

Tommy stood over the seated kid waving his arms. He did a ‘What do you think you’re doing’ move while the kid yelled for help and pushed Tommy back. Just a little further and he could kick him in the nuts as one is required to do in such situations.

But Tommy pushed in and started grabbing clothes and yanking. The kid in the chair acted like he was getting rag-dolled, like he was the unlucky prey to Tommy’s gator death spin.

(You’ve got to wonder if he’d been better off throwing punches and standing back instead of grabbing clothes in the eighth grade. Fighting had evolved past ripping a shirt pocket so they’d get in trouble by their mom.)

The thrashing and grabbing stopped with the apex teacher’s headlock education class. It began right then and continued out the door to the school office. No choking, no threats, just a nice walk for two people, one bent over with his head under the other’s arm.

The seating chart had been corrected by the time Mr. Edison returned.

Why Harp On Education Here, BoomerPdx

Here’s why:

It helps people tell the difference between words and actions and how one can create the environment for the other. Like Jan. 6.

I read a headline about Air Force enlisted people getting released from duty for not getting vaccinated. An image showed people in uniform. I saw the uniforms as a symbol of agreed obedience.

My first thought went to the draft dodging efforts during the Vietnam War.

“Don’t want to get vaccinated? You’re not going home, son, you’re going to the tunnel rat squad. Congratulations.”

I’m an education harpy and believe in the pursuit of life-long learning. As a non-traditional college grad, otherwise known as drop-out, I attended three schools. Very proud of that piece of paper.

I wouldn’t be true to my pursuit of higher education if I didn’t work to promote teachers after seeing so many over the decades.

From the history professor who sold copied sections of books in class, to the senior seminar leader who complained that his area of expertise had been a backwater lacking importance and killed his career, I look forward to more and more.

Except now the teachers and professors are regular people.

Headlock Education For Regular People

Instead of wondering why someone respected in the community decides to talk ignorant shit about science and history and math, imagine them in the Edison Headlock Education class.

It wouldn’t be comfortable, but hard-ass tough guys don’t care. They’re just doing their job from their platform, speaking truth as they know it, as they’ve been told, and as their funding sources demand.

That’s the job, and collecting enough votes to keep doing the job. College would ruin the mood.

An Oregon State Senator is on the job big time in Salem. On top of his legislative duties, he also models mask wearing manners:

Don’t tell him to wear a mask.

Heard justified his decision (to refuse wearing a mask) by noting Gov. Kate Brown attended a gala in Washington, D.C., on Dec. 4 where she took photos with other attendees while not wearing a mask. There is not an indoor mask mandate in D.C., though many accused her of hypocrisy.

Courtney asked again for Heard to put on a mask or leave the floor.

“The people of Senate District 1 elected me to represent them on this floor at this desk, so, no, I will not leave,” Heard said.

This man is a teacher, a role model, someone to look up to.

Is it fair to ask what he’s teaching with his escort out the door in front of television cameras? Who is noticing the role he is modeling?

This is where an educated populace leans in and calls bullshit on an audition act, but an audition for what?

2.

I’ll wait over here, reading and writing, and wearing a mask to avoid getting sick from people who ought to know better.

He has worked for the betterment of communities in the area throughout these positions, and his involvement with various community boards is a testament to his dedication to improve quality of life in the region and creating a place where generations can live, work and raise a family.

Dear Constituents,

Get vaccinated and wear a mask when called for. It’s not about freedom, or about young legislators on the rise who’ve been infected by covid and didn’t deem it threatening enough to change their behavior.

It’s about not looking like North Carolina, about promoting learning and compliance to public health matters beyond your uncovered mug. The only reason this character refused to wear a mask in chambers was to mug for the cameras, and his future of mugging for the cameras.