HAPPY LIFE NEEDS A FEW ADDITIONS

A happy life can be a goal, but not for those who see happiness in others as an obstacle to overcome.

Besides, isn’t happiness overrated?

How can anyone have a happy life, or even strive for one, in 2021? If you’ve ever asked that question, keep asking.

Then ask, “What else is there to work toward? More misery?”

The misery part isn’t going anywhere, but where does happiness fit?

Married people have a motto: Happy Wife Means Happy Life.

Husbands aren’t mentioned because nothing rhymes with husband. But I’ll give it a try:

Happy Husband Means No Refund? A Happy Husband Is Cooked Well Done? Happy Husband Means No Fun?

Luckily not everyone is married, but that doesn’t mean they’re happier. If you’re married, ask yourself if you were happier in single life.

If you have marriage plans, be careful with your answer.

My old wrestling coach used to say, “Miserable people ought to marry each other to avoid making two other people miserable.”

Like misery is contagious? It’s not, but it might seem that way.

A Real Marriage Explains Who You Are

Wife and I talked about taking a break the other day. Nothing major, just talk.

“I’ll get a hotel room for a few days.”

“Why you? I’ll get a hotel room for a few days.”

Who’s got the priority for a hotel room here? I asked online to no response.

Instead of blowing a thousand bucks with nothing to show, we talked about a few things. It was a happy ending.

It could have gone wrong in so many ways, but that’s what marriage asks: Why make it worse?

Marriage Communication For Happy Life

Our problem was trying to be on time together, like leaving in time to show up on time.

Too often marriage problems stem from simple issues. On time? Sure, try harder. One of you has a gambling and drug problem? Whoa, that’s not a simple issue.

Let’s keep it simple here. For example:

If you and your wife agree on something, you may need to test it out. Even if you agree, take an opposing view, but don’t die on that hill.

“Let’s do this.”

It sounds good, but marriage steps in with:

“Maybe we should do this, too?”

With this line of thinking, only go three comments out on the original. Remember, you liked the original idea. Going three alternatives out shows you are an engaged listener.

Everyone likes an engaged listener.

Besides, if she was talking to someone else about things to do, how would you feel? Not engaged? And you’d be right.

So weigh in with alternatives, but stop at three. After you run through those three, return to the original and say, “I like your idea best of all.”

Call it marriage coaching, or passive/aggressive behavior, but keep listening like your relationship depends on it.

Happy Life Listening Example

W: Before we start anything we need a plan, and I’ve been planning for years.

H: Tell me more about our plans.

W: I know what kind of house I want to live in, what kind of neighborhood, and the kind of shrubbery I want.

The husband hasn’t thought of any of this.

H: You’ve made good decisions so far. After all, you married me.

W: And you’ll love a white picket fence.

H: I don’t see why not.

W: Aw, thanks for listening. And we’ll need plenty of storage.

Then it’s the husband’s turn.

H: The Ducks lost. Their season is over. My season is over. Damn those Ducks.

W: Was it a bad loss?

H: To Stanford. Whenever the Ducks come in highly ranked, Stanford ruins it. Loosing to a smart school makes it worse.

W: Why does that matter?

H: Because they’re smart enough to know playing football can cause brain damage and they do it anyway.

W: They could still win the PAC12. That’s something. And beat Washington. That’s something.

H: Oregon State beat Washington.

W: Oregon State beat the Ducks last year, and that was something. So beat Oregon State, win the North Division, then pound the south. A one loss year is a good year.

H: Aw, thanks for listening. I didn’t know you kept up.

W: Gotta know who to put money on.

H: What?

W: What? Nevermind.

A Happy Life Means Keeping Up

Keep up on things like you’re sitting next to a stranger on a bus telling an intriguing story.

Or like the person in seat in front of you is talking and you’re listening in.

When we have something to say, we like to be heard. If you care about someone, listen.

“If you have the time to ponder the mind of a stranger, then you have time to listen to someone you care about,” paraphrased from 1080 The Fan.

Engagement requires repetition. If you play a guitar only once a month, you’re basically starting over new every time.

Lift weights once a month? You’re starting over.

A strong foundation means laying brick by brick you’ll never see. Why? Because the foundation begins with digging a trench, pouring a footing, laying the brick, then backfilling the trench.

Start a happy life on that foundation instead of straw and sticks and you’ll have a stronger relationship.

Fight me.