GIVE UP? HOW TO START

Give up is what losers do?

Not so fast.

It’s got other names, like surrender, capitulate, quit.

But giving up sounds so final. Why?

No one tells you from the start that they’re a quitter.

They don’t say, “Just so you know, I’ll quit on you when you least expect it.”

But they should.

Or maybe you ought to know from past experience.

If someone looks like they might give up when you need them most, check their history.

Or just ask, “Will you quit on me when I leased expect it?”

And wait for the answer.

Respect The Quitter

People have problems they don’t share. Not with you, not with anyone.

Until it’s too late.

Then you reflect on what happened and you see where you went wrong.

The thing is, maybe it’s not you.

Think about not blaming yourself for others’ decisions.

A work buddy once sent me an attachment over work email. It didn’t seem like much, but it came up in a job review.

Who knew Ashley Judd was a threat to civilization?

A neighborhood guy in NW Portland was a guitar guy. His wife was a singer. They were a fun couple.

We started practicing together for an open mic set.

After our last rehearsal he called to say he could never play with someone as lame as me.

And there I was thinking I’d never sounded better. When you play with an accomplished musician you do sound better.

Apparently not everyone agrees.

The next day he called to make sure we were still on.

We weren’t.

I didn’t see him again, but I ran into his wife who told me what happened.

Her husband meets new people, makes new plans, gets wasted the night before and drunk calls the new people to tell them how much they suck.

But why?

She said it was stage fright. No matter how well prepared her husband was, he couldn’t face a live audience.

To make up for it he blames the other people.

She also said they were separated and getting divorced.

That news didn’t make me feel any better, but maybe I should have noticed something sooner?

And no, I didn’t ask my former pals soon to be ex-wife out on a date.

She looked like she could have used some good company, but I have a rule: Don’t take advantage of vulnerable people.

The Biggest Challenge To Give Up The Right Way

I rememberer a couple who looked like they had a chance to make it.

They were smart, attractive, and made time for each other.

What else do you want?

But they had a break-up habit.

They gave up on each other, then got back together.

First one would give up, then the other, then start all over.

It ended after she made elaborate plans, travel plans, just so she’d have a new place to break-up.

It wasn’t much different than any other time, except for the inconvenience.

Finally enough was enough.

Give Up Sooner Than Later

Here’s a thought:

Once you notice things sliding a different direction, step away.

If you think someone will give up on you, believe it.

Once that feeling takes hold, the clock starts.

You can either hang around and wait for the buzzer to sound, or forfeit.

See, this is the problem:

You know how things are going to end, but you don’t want to be the first one.

If you start the break-up, the other person might think you’re just in a bad mood and it will pass.

They have hope, even though their actions say, ‘So long.’

In spite of what you know, they want to have the power that comes with dumping you first.

So go first.

Just know there are exceptions.

2

Another couple started out on shaky ground that included a boyfriend that didn’t know he was an ex-boyfriend.

When he found out he wanted to fight the new guy and win his girl back.

The story told is he attacked the new guy in front of his girl.

New guy understood what would happen if he kicked ass. His girl would show sympathy to her old boyfriend if he was stretched out and bleeding.

The two men faced off with the new guy taking a spinning roundhouse kick to the upper thigh and a back-fist off the side of his head while his girl ran for cover.

Without an audience, the new guy explained the near future:

“You can leave now. The free kick and punch part is over. If you don’t leave I’m going to knock you out, drag you down the stairs feet first, and dump you on the sidewalk outside. I’m counting one, two, three . . .”

And that’s how you end the break-up debate.

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(240 posts tagged with ‘Relationship.’)